Long Ago…

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…in a galaxy 94 miles away from where I am now, Jim and I said our vows 17 years ago on the 31st of August.

We have gone through ups, downs and bumps, but we are still here. Perhaps the fact that we were late bloomers at 42 and 48, and maybe we assumed that maturity would see us through, but what ever it was, my vote being love, we are still standing at the seventeen year mark. I have often said that it has gotten to the point where I can’t remember life without Jim and Zush, and later Zush and Kasia joining us. I think it’s a good thing.

So happy anniversary to the former bagel baker. I love you and am looking forward to the golden years that we might actually participate in down the road.

Watching…

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Like the giant eye in this sunflower, I have taken the past week or so to take time and watch and listen.

Sometimes I feel as though I take everything in, but when I do, I really don’t THINK about it.

Things happen. My neighbor’s husband died, and I knew him for 10 years. He passed at 98. Ninety eight. Pretty good shelf life, I would say. I made it a point to really listen to his wife, who I consider a good friend, and hear her grief. I tried to comfort her as best as I can and check in on her daily. Another friend fell and broke her ankle and had to have surgery. Again, when I go to see her, I make it a point to really dial in and take in what exactly she is telling me. I am due to go to the dietician today. I know when I go there I will be right with her, trying to work on a healthier life style so my shelf life will be decent. That means a lot to me, as this Saturday it’ll be twenty one years since my Dad passed away. He wanted desperately to see seventy seven. Why? Because his Dad lived to seventy six. Now, I am not setting parameters on my shelf life, but it’s that time of year when Dad’s passing has me so aware of time.

A good friend of mine commented on a Facebook post I made, lamenting the short season for hydrangeas in the heat of summer. He quoted that old song about for everything, turn, turn, turn, there is a season…..and it is so true.

I was on the Cape May Ferry this past weekend and in the elevator, a young blond headed girl was there with her sister and her mom. I walked into the elevator and that little face looked up at me, pointed a finger and announced,” I know you; you’re my teacher.” Needless to say the exchange made me feel good, or as Jim would say, I wore a major idiotic grin on my face. Maybe it’s the anticipation of a new school year that added to my recognition of the passage of time. I know poor Kasia will get the short straw when I go back, but thanks to paying better attention to my weight, I will be able to spend more time and walks with her when I get home. I’d like to think that I honor Zush’s memory by giving Kasia all the love she needs and then some.

Most importantly, it’ll be our seventeenth wedding anniversary coming up. It’s to the point where I can’t really remember my life before Jim entered it.

I am truly blessed.

Training with Kas…continued

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Kasia and I were at the bay this morning, since we both enjoyed the break in the weather that started with yesterday’s rain.

You can see the marked difference in the sky from yesterday. The blue over the bay was back and a great breeze was riding side-car. We walked for a nice clip along the bay and then made our way back home.

The flip side of this is it is still vacation time for a lot of folks, and I guess the amount of umbrellas will increase as we get closer to the weekend. It’s ok, though. Kasia and I are used to it and will adapt when we see a lot of folks. Hopefully we will keep getting out early enough to enjoy some solitude on our mother/daughter/ trainer walks. I know she enjoys them. As for me, the exercise is good, but more importantly, I savor every second I have with my girl. I know her sister, Zush, would want me to.

My Alyx

My niece, Alexandra, was born when I was twenty. I remember being excited because I already had a nephew- now I had a niece. I had two other nephews, Matt and Greg, and I always loved them all, but the only girl was special…as she got older she loved her brother and adored her cousins.

It’s twenty one years today that you left me and finally were able to rest. Babci and Dziadziu are up there with you now, and you also have my Zusher. I know God took the best to keep you company. Rest well, Alexandra. Cioci will always love and miss you.

Remembering the Day before

One of my favorite documentaries I found on YouTube was entitled 9/10, the day before. An anchorman from Chanel eleven in NewYork, was reviewing the news stories of 9/10, and in review, how insignificant it all seems,in light of the next day’s events.

Well, today is my day before. Fifteen years ago I was getting ready to marry Jim the next morning. What happened the night before, I can remember being with Ryan, my ” beck and call boy”and my maid of honor Denise. I do remember that last ” single girl’s kiss” from Jim.

So here I am, just about 16 years later, and it is funny. You do remember some of the things from before, but it’s like there was no life before him.

It goes without saying Zush is dearly missed and thought of every day. She has a spot in my heart forever.

I married a loving son and brother, a gentle soul, the best pup daddy on earth and my best friend and lover. He is my sit-down and stand-up comedian, and the breath to my life.

So, albeit a day or few hours early, Happy Anniversary to my Jim. I love you more than all the grains of sand in Higbee and the Panama Canal basin.

Dad

I can’t believe it’s been twenty years.

Twenty years ago, it started as an ordinary day. Yes, my Dad was on the cusp of entering hospice, but it was not meant to be. I called home mid-morning to check on how things were going, as I normally did.

I was told Dad was having a bad morning, so I left.

Dad left us two o’clock that afternoon.

I couldn’t believe the kindness of my co-workers. Some even came and called at the house to pay their respects.

Twenty years.

You have Mom and now my Zush up there with you. Make sure you give Zush love from her Momma, ok?

I miss you terribly Daddy, but will love you forever.