Mourning or Missing

Mom and Zosia

Today is the 10th anniversary of my Mom’s passing.

I miss her; truly I do. As my Mom had dementia, the last five years of her life were my mourning period. My brother and I took turns every other night taking care of her, and I don’t think there wasn’t a night that I was there that I didn’t cry. Mom was herself for one week after she suffered a subdural hematoma, but then dementia took her away. She could communicate in Polish on occasion, but talking was minimal. The birthday before she passed away, I was up with Mom overnight. Her birthday was four days before mine. On my birthday, I got up quietly to get dressed for work, and as I turned away from the closet, she looked over to me and said,” Good morning.” It was the sweetest birthday gift she ever gave me.

People commented to me about not crying at her funeral. I said it was a celebration of her life-her entire life pre-dementia. We were genuinely glad she was done with her struggle. Physically she hung in there for five long years. It was time for her body to go catch up with her mind in a better place.

Life has gone on and I miss Mom. There are many times I can feel her wagging her finger at me and telling me “I told you.” She never got a chance to see me retired. She never got to come here and see where we live now. She knew my Zushie girl but didn’t get to know my Kasia that well.

Kasia

At this ten year mark, I’m missing Mom. I don’t think that’ll ever change. I am grateful for the life she led. I just hope I can catch up with her eventually.

Holiday away

It’s hard this year.

I pulled out my Mom’s ceramic Easter egg and a small crocheted easter egg she had. I couldn’t handle too much more out, because it’s the first Easter at the new home.We won’t be here for dinner, per se, because we’ll be with Jim’s Mom and family.

When Mom was around,we had Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving every year at our home, and did what a lot of couples do: go to the other spouse’s family so everyone gets even time and you try not to slight anyone.

Mom is gone three years.

I haven’t had a Polish Easter in 3 years and for some reason, I am a little sad about it. I miss the traditions, although having the Polish parish in Manayunk get shut down by the Archdiocese doesn’t help either.I miss my brother and his family, I miss my Aunt and cousin: I am missing a lot.

My memory is still ok though, so I will have to share Easter with them in my prayers and in my mind and heart.

I am thankful that God still will let me do that.

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Rough to Exercise

I had my flip fitness exercise class tonite.

Even though the weather kept some gals away, there were enough of us to keep moving for a while.
It felt good to be able to do so, even though I was a little more pensive than I normally would have been. I found that the physical activity lets your mind work on a few things too!I walked into the class with the world on my shoulders, but when I left, the world wasn’t quite as heavy.

Hold a good thought for yours truly .I could use them right now.

Thanks.

frozen ocean