Summer is taking its’ toll.
Our tomatoes were happy until the rains hit. I have gone swimming once so far. The highlight has been my Gerber daisies hanging in there, thanks to advice and some fertilizer.
I’m thankful I have my good friends to check in with and occasionally hang with. Kasia and I keep walking, making up for lost mileage in the boot. I have to admit that this summer has me worn out. Sure, there’s air conditioning but I can’t wait for a good night’s sleep with air conditioning off and windows open.
This is the second summer Kasia has been without her sister.
Sometimes I think, in her own way, she misses Zush as much as I do.We would all have ice in our water when we needed to cool off, and I miss putting towels down to make sure they were not too sloppy. It is true: you always miss what’s gone.
So today was Mother’s day.
We went to the city to spend time with Jim’s 96-year-old Mom. She is wonderful and was really in great spirits while we were there.
Then we went to see my Mom and Babcis.
This gravestone marker always served as our guide where my Mom’s Mom, or my Babci was buried nearby. My parents are buried by my Dad’s Mom, or my other Babci. There is something surreal as you get older and have no one left to see: everyone has left you behind.Sure, I get exercise getting to the graves, and since we travel a while to get there, I walk the girls on the road so we can get some steps in.But still, you become enveloped in loss. Not only do you realize your immediate family is gone but you recognize names on the gravestones around you. If you don’t realize that you ARE the adult now and the circle of life.
It was still something of a comfort to be at my Mom’s grave, and not just talking and praying for her from a distance. I believe she is always with me.
Three and one half years ago, my husband bought us a house at an “Undisclosed location”.
Sure it was a weekend get away and I did manage to have an actual week off there last year, but it was cozy, it was comfortable and the back room was bright.It was a good spot to spend a third of our week at, which we seemed to do year round.
We had to get serious, as when my husband sold our house in Philly, we were turning our minds to retirement living, We decided we needed a rancher.Not that this old house isn’t, but, we wanted a house to live the rest of our days out in.
This weekend, the demolition crew comes in and knocks it down.Fortunately I will be up here with the fur girls, as we need the air and to be away from all of that. Plus, if I was there, I’d be a little teary-eyed, so better I keep the memories I have of the house with me.
In a previous blog post I wrote about loss in my life, well, here’s another chunk. People say “how exciting”…it’s not for me.I never asked for much and what I had I was always comfortable with. We’ll see what happens.This picture I have attached really doesn’t do the house justice, but at least it gives you an idea of what it looks like.
R.I.P to my cozy,sunny spot.
Loss is loss is loss.
Sure you leave one house and have a new house in the offing doesn’t mean that going through the
house of your late parents, the house both your parents passed in, well, for one party it is
the house that you have more loss in.
People who still have family or never experienced the sense of loss that I have will
never swing the feeling I am going through. Perhaps it is something that only women
my age have experienced. I mean people go and leave their home and go away and have
no trouble experiencing life. Maybe it’s just a question of having this occurrence that
happens to me know pulls me ‘down the rabbit hole.”
Let’s up I can get up again.