Mourning or Missing

Mom and Zosia

Today is the 10th anniversary of my Mom’s passing.

I miss her; truly I do. As my Mom had dementia, the last five years of her life were my mourning period. My brother and I took turns every other night taking care of her, and I don’t think there wasn’t a night that I was there that I didn’t cry. Mom was herself for one week after she suffered a subdural hematoma, but then dementia took her away. She could communicate in Polish on occasion, but talking was minimal. The birthday before she passed away, I was up with Mom overnight. Her birthday was four days before mine. On my birthday, I got up quietly to get dressed for work, and as I turned away from the closet, she looked over to me and said,” Good morning.” It was the sweetest birthday gift she ever gave me.

People commented to me about not crying at her funeral. I said it was a celebration of her life-her entire life pre-dementia. We were genuinely glad she was done with her struggle. Physically she hung in there for five long years. It was time for her body to go catch up with her mind in a better place.

Life has gone on and I miss Mom. There are many times I can feel her wagging her finger at me and telling me “I told you.” She never got a chance to see me retired. She never got to come here and see where we live now. She knew my Zushie girl but didn’t get to know my Kasia that well.

Kasia

At this ten year mark, I’m missing Mom. I don’t think that’ll ever change. I am grateful for the life she led. I just hope I can catch up with her eventually.

Two Years

My Mom left me two years ago today.
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss her and/or think of her. Perhaps it’s because my Brother Bob and I took care of her for close to five years after she slipped into dementia.

There is so much I know she experiences from a higher vantage point: her children, her Philadelphia grandsons,her sister, her family,her church.I am sad because she never got down here with Jim and me,but am taking some comfort she’s up there,watching with my Dad.

My parents always said that we’d miss them when they left us.The only thing? They didn’t tell me how badly I’d miss them.

R.I.P. Mom.

Miss you guys every day.

Losing my mind…

..or so it feels.

They all say care-giving is a stressful job. Well…duh…! Lately, however, it seems as though my normal overload is pushing the limit.

I am normally someone who puts something somewhere and can remember where I put it. Yes, I am also a graduate of putting things in a safe place**insert snicker here**, until I put plane tickets in such a safe place that I didn’t find them until a day before the trip. But, hey, the plane ticket scenario was seven years ago. I have to admit it is quite annoying having to split my time through 3 houses and when I think I left something in house C and then I find it in house B. Suffice it to say Saint Anthony gets a lot of work from me, and one sister-in-law has me seeking the finding power of St. Theresa the little Flower.

On a serious note, I follow dementia and Alzheimer’s studies religiously and try to make corresponding changes so I lower my chance of following in Mom’s footsteps. I really do believe what I am experiencing right now is caregiver overload. I mean, half the time I amaze myself on the things I juggle for Mom and manage to keep track of. So I am not really that concerned, at least, not right now.

If you do have a spare minute and you’re not busy, send Saint Anthony back to me, ok? Got a few items I need to ask him about.