18 Years ago…..

Eighteen years ago, I was thirty-three years old. I had moved out on my own. And three months into my independence, I had a really bad lower back ache. You know how when you are hurting eventually you can get yourself into a position to fall asleep? Well, that November, I had my first 48 hours of NO sleep-the pain was that intense.

A visit to my gynecologist, who was an old guy in his late 70’s and on staff at Jefferson, revealed a cervical tumor the size of a grapefruit. Funny how as I never had any issues before in my life and here you go: what do I get butmy first one comes out of the gate like gangbusters. I was on the doorstep of stage three cancer.

Welcome to the world of cancer.

Fortunately, I had the luck of being sent down to a oncologic gynecological surgeon, Charles Dunton, who was working on a protocol for cervical cancer. I had daily radiation, chemotherapy, a radiation implant, and two weeks prior to my scheduled total hysterectomy, my pre-operative exam found NO tumor! The surgeon said he would have never know what was there, if he hadn’t been in on my case from the beginning. They had to do my surgery, because there was no guarantee the cancer hadn’t gone into my lymph nodes.One of my BFF’s, Kate, would come down from Pittsburgh on the weekends when I was in Jeff and there is no better buddy in the world…**Note to Kate-how I remember those 7th floor Gibbon visits-you ALWAYS were my rock!**

Fast forward through later cancers and health issues, loss of family members, finding my Jim, gaining two girls named Zush and Kasia, and my mother’s dementia.

God has me here for a reason, although when friends are suddenly gone due to cancer, I will be the first to admit the survivor’s guilt is great. I no longer wonder why I am still here. I just accept it, give thanks for it and realize a greater statement was never made than….” If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.’

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I can’t even walk and chew gum at the same time…

I can’t even walk and chew gum at the same time…and juggling life issues is something I really can hope to stop doing someday.

Looking at people 5 times my size on the bus this morning and wondering what can I do to move far away from my current size, outside of sewing my mouth shut… I am writing down and counting calories, but looking at fellow passengers on a bus at 5:40 am, well, makes you question metabolism, sleep and a “hurry up and eat or you’ll be late” mechanism.

Just got off the phone with my brother Bob talking about Mom and family issues.

**sigh**

Trying to keep my life at home going at an even keel.

Trying to recover from Saturday’s fall.

“The job”.**sigh**

Zush and Kasia on Benadryl.

I guess you just keeping juggling until you drop something, right?Guess I just have to go out and get some fresh velcro for my hands to keep things going.

Here’s hoping things are going better for us all.

OUCH…..

Yes, OUCH!

I was walking the dogs on Saturday morning, and twisted my right ankle on a horse-chestnut or whatever from a tree, and the end result sucked I fell on my right side and my shoulder hit the ground first.

You know how you “know” you are going to fall? Well, I tried to brace myself for it and as my shoulder hit the ground, I heard a “pop” and thought, uh , “Holy Chicago”….

Long story short, I am hurting big time, yes, even three days later. It was frustrating because when I fell, I couldn’t get up. Really. I COULD NOT GET UP! I was thinking that I was going to have to shimmy my butt over to a tree and try to pull myself up. Fortunately I had my cell and called Jim and he was over in a split second. I told him don’t pull me up .I didn’t want to have him get hurt. I told him just to stand there so I could pull myself up on him. Tears were in my eyes-I was so frustrated. The dogs were so good-they stayed with me and were licking my face when I first fell. It just was so scary.

So if you see me walking around kind of twisted, now you know….

Send Stolyichnaya-so if I fall I have good reason….lol

Change..

No matter what happens in life, change always has a hand to play. I would guess that if there was no movement, our lives would be a stagnant pool of the same thing on a daily level.

Some change may be for the good: we may not initially like it but it is for the good. Some change we might absolutely abhor, but our hands might be tied and we have to take it. Some change we look forward to-if not immediately, then eventually.

I consider myself to be one of those who laments changes, one who looks back and wistfully wants change to go away. I acknowledge that I dolefully accept change, with all the crankiness an almost 52-year-old can muster, I just never realized that at this age is a little young to say ” I remember when…” and I am not necessarily in a nursing home.

So please pardon me if I am a little cranky now, as sometimes, change is like cold oatmeal-lumpy and rough to get down.

So in the meanwhile…

…thanks to my bud Kate, an inhaler, and some benzonate pearls, the cough is a little less choking. It is a pleasure to only sporadically be choking and perhaps just saving a stayfree for another day…

…and on another day that is coming up,…My oldest nephew, Matt, will be celebrating his 24th birthday on Friday. Matt has turned into a helluva guy who I am so proud to say he is my nephew.He literally has gotten himself together and is ready to take it on the road. It was a joy watching Matt through the years, and I know he will be at peace in his life. He is the best guy I know, and I love him very much. He knows the door is always open to him where ever I am.

Happy Valley is not so happy right now…

…thanks to the indictments against former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky, and the stepping down of the Athletic Director and others whose sin seems to be the sin of covering it up.

…Joe Paterno has had an illustrious career until now. What a shame that when he decides to retire, this will tarnish the career.But Joe? How can you close your eyes to this?

Count me in with those who are sad and disappointed. I hope it doesn’t turn into a witch hunt to push JoePa out. What kind of society do we have when people so abuse younger children and get away with it? Even worse, what about those who KNEW what happened and failed to run with it.I have known people who have been affected by the priest scandal and their lives were ruined.Where are those people who were guardians/parents/protectors of the children?

I can only shake my head in sorrow and say a prayer for those affected by this horror.

 

Joe Paterno on Campus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Greatly needed Friday..

..because the last two weeks were too long, today is a day I am looking forward to.

It’s always been amazing to me to see the amount of things we cram into a weekend. Hell, sometimes I think I do more mandatory activities on a weekend then I do during the week. There’s stuff with mom, obviously, then food shopping, wash, dog walking, cooking, …you get the point.

This weekend, I intend to do NOTHING…outside of the basics, naturally. Any down time I get I will be in a reclined position. Anything taxing on my mind will be swept out, albeit temporarily.As they always say, take time to stop and smell the flowers…well, this weekend? I’ll be taking tons of bouquets in.

Here’s hoping you get a chance to do the same.