Zush & her Dad

This morning,I am waiting to catch a train to go do field work for my job. I am sitting in our living room, as are Bush & Kasia, who are waiting for me to take them out one more time before I have to leave for work.

Jim walks in from the kitchen, looks at Zush and says he has to take care of her. I am wondering what is going on here. He comes in with a hand of her dog food , leaves it front of her, and I see her look up with love to her Dad, and start to nibble. Her sister, Kasia, is curled up and can’t be bothered.

It seems the nine year old Zush stays mellow in the morning, and Daddy appreciates the fact.

I am lucky,as a former cat woman, to have a guy who loves our fur children , to which they return it unconditionally. I am every so thankful for these gifts every day!

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Getting ready to retire and….

 

…This is what I got today in the office, complete with a 23″ inch screen. I had laughed when I opened up one of the items that gets used on a daily basis by this government agency and the type had to be in 36 Font. I told the IT guy that this truly must be the computer for the old on the way out heads, because you never saw the font that large anytime or anywhere else.

I have been thinking the fast few days about this being my last Thanksgiving on the job. The last of 27 Thanksgivings and 27 Black Fridays. Will I miss it? Fighting shoppers on Black Friday morning in order to try to swipe in on time? No. I will miss my friends, though, and on this Thanksgiving week, not only am I thankful for them and my friends outside of the office, but for all of my friends and family. As twisted and dysfunctional we may all be at times, you all have a special place in my heart, and for that I am truly blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mar

Good tidings….

..have started …early…..AGAIN.

I took marketing classes along the way but can only wonder if anyone ever taught what OVERSATURATION would cause.

Radio stations doing all Christmas music all the time..since October? End result for me? Spare me the Christmas carols until Christmas day. Christmas decorations up at Halloween? They’ll be lucky if they get me buying a string of lights. I don’t want the hassle of going TO a store and dealing with a crowd. O.K., yes, there is cyber-shopping, but believe it or not, retailers, I do like to feel the quality of the material of what you are charging me 5 arms and three legs .

So I will buy,albeit with gritted teeth, what presents I NEED to buy, but more importantly, I will work on giving what I WANT to give to those I want to give to. I will not be following the commercial list of giving gifts to anyone who crosses my path daily.

Please, Ad men,…let me do Christmas MY way this year.

Holiday Malaise

My nephew Greg and my Mom,.circa 3 years ago
My nephew Greg and my Mom,.circa 3 years ago

It’s that time of year.

I hate it.

Yup… ABHOR IT!

At least I have for the past three and a half years.

For all intensive purposes, it’s me and my brother, Bob. We spoke this morning and he wanted me to ask the gals who work for us if they are working on Thanksgiving.

Yeah. Right.

They are women, I wanted to tell him, and remind him that we are not that lucky. Both Bob and I have split the holidays with mom for the past almost 4 years. He has two boys, or should I say men of 24 and almost 22. He wants a family holiday. It’s me and Jim and the fur girls. I also have in-laws, to which we are invited.

Is it too much to hope that we much luck out one year and have a holiday? No-it’s a fat chance with a capital F. It’s bad enough that you wonder how much longer, you wonder, will you have to deal with care-giving. You WANT to be with Mom. It’s to the point where Mom doesn’t even know that its us. We don’t even mention the holidays for fear of triggering her sun-downing.You don’t even DREAM of envisioning what a holiday will be without the existence of Mom: I sat in Church trying to wrap my mind around the concept of not having a parent and, quite frankly, I didn’t like that. I KNOW that life goes on and look forward to it, but I still don’t like the reality of Mom being gone. Then I remember that she isn’t really here. I look at her care as taking care of my Mother, for my Mom has been gone for almost four years.

I miss her.

Not cold enough for them yet…

For my girls, Zosia and Kasia, I need it a wee bit colder…to kill the bugs!

A lot of dogs have been suffering because of the rainy August and September and the bugs that just won’t die. We have gone through courses of flea poison( i.e.,Frontline, advantage,etc) courses of steroid for itching, topical sprays to try to make them more comfortable. I even started them both this past week on Benadryl. Zush, as rule, turns puppy in the cooler weather. She is like me,in that we both hate to sweat. Kasia, at two, is still a puppy so it does tickle me to see them both enjoying the cooler weather. Now only if mother nature would cooperate and freeze the damn bugs out, we’d be a happy family!

the Girls- always together!

18 Years ago…..

Eighteen years ago, I was thirty-three years old. I had moved out on my own. And three months into my independence, I had a really bad lower back ache. You know how when you are hurting eventually you can get yourself into a position to fall asleep? Well, that November, I had my first 48 hours of NO sleep-the pain was that intense.

A visit to my gynecologist, who was an old guy in his late 70’s and on staff at Jefferson, revealed a cervical tumor the size of a grapefruit. Funny how as I never had any issues before in my life and here you go: what do I get butmy first one comes out of the gate like gangbusters. I was on the doorstep of stage three cancer.

Welcome to the world of cancer.

Fortunately, I had the luck of being sent down to a oncologic gynecological surgeon, Charles Dunton, who was working on a protocol for cervical cancer. I had daily radiation, chemotherapy, a radiation implant, and two weeks prior to my scheduled total hysterectomy, my pre-operative exam found NO tumor! The surgeon said he would have never know what was there, if he hadn’t been in on my case from the beginning. They had to do my surgery, because there was no guarantee the cancer hadn’t gone into my lymph nodes.One of my BFF’s, Kate, would come down from Pittsburgh on the weekends when I was in Jeff and there is no better buddy in the world…**Note to Kate-how I remember those 7th floor Gibbon visits-you ALWAYS were my rock!**

Fast forward through later cancers and health issues, loss of family members, finding my Jim, gaining two girls named Zush and Kasia, and my mother’s dementia.

God has me here for a reason, although when friends are suddenly gone due to cancer, I will be the first to admit the survivor’s guilt is great. I no longer wonder why I am still here. I just accept it, give thanks for it and realize a greater statement was never made than….” If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.’

I can’t even walk and chew gum at the same time…

I can’t even walk and chew gum at the same time…and juggling life issues is something I really can hope to stop doing someday.

Looking at people 5 times my size on the bus this morning and wondering what can I do to move far away from my current size, outside of sewing my mouth shut… I am writing down and counting calories, but looking at fellow passengers on a bus at 5:40 am, well, makes you question metabolism, sleep and a “hurry up and eat or you’ll be late” mechanism.

Just got off the phone with my brother Bob talking about Mom and family issues.

**sigh**

Trying to keep my life at home going at an even keel.

Trying to recover from Saturday’s fall.

“The job”.**sigh**

Zush and Kasia on Benadryl.

I guess you just keeping juggling until you drop something, right?Guess I just have to go out and get some fresh velcro for my hands to keep things going.

Here’s hoping things are going better for us all.