Bittersweet moments…

It’s quiet.

I have just spent 25 minutes singing Polish Christmas carols& hymns to the Blessed Mother, but now Mom has settled down.

As her condition has been deteriorating ,I have had her in hospice care at home. I listen to the phlegm rattle in her throat as I sing.This is new to me.. No, not Mom making a vocal comment to my singing, but watching and waiting. I sit and wonder what will be.Will she be granted a gift to see her 89th birthday this Sunday?Will she see Christmas?New Years? I sat with her wondering if the woman who brought me into the world will be here for my birthday-Not that she would know the day, but will she be here? My chest is tight as I think of that. I’d like to think almost four years of caregiving has toughened me up,but obviously not.The book has been almost 52 years in the making,and all I can do is wait.

This is not quite as hard as having to tell my folks I had cancer, but it is a close second.

All I can do is pray.Any you can say for us would be deeply appreciated.

Thanks, my friends.

No pretense here.

The picture you see is a neighbor’s house at the Undisclosed location. It is only part of his light display he puts up yearly, and the picture, I will be the first to admit, does it no justice. But it is probably the biggest piece of Christmas you will get from me.

My Mom’s mental state is down to a 4- when she first got sick she was iand 8 and THAT was severe. The best you can have is 30. I got off the phone with my brother, and we were talking about Christmas. I really don’t care, knowing the chance of actually getting a caregiver who will work is slim and none.Some things are expected, at this point of the game. Mom’s birthday will be Sunday, and 89 will be the magic number. Will she know it’s her birthday? No. Will she recognize me? No. I went to get her a birthday card and looked at the verse: would she understand it? No. So I got her a bunch( 9 pair) of fuzzy socks, as that is what keeps her feet the warmest while she lays in bed. She’ll think it’s just socks-no clue it’s a gift and that’s fine.

My godson Greg has a birthday the nest day and mine is three days after that. Once again, there is no spirit. I am just plain washed out. I will celebrate Greg’s birthday with him on Monday, but mine will just be another day, spent waiting, and praying.

So in lieu of a Christmas greeting, here is the picture of the Undisclosed Location neighbor’s lights.

Merry Christmas.

I am not Alec Baldwin ….

…nor do I play him on tv.

It is because he caused trouble on his flight that I found out about Words with Friends.

Loved scrabble and I have played almost every variety of the game. Now, thanks to Alec,I am on my phone, when I need sleep, and am addicted to the game! I love it, because it makes me use my brain !!

Excuse me…gotta go-it’s my turn times three…now where’s my X?

Next Iron Chef..not…

..at least when it comes to working with chocolate.

For the Undisclosed location neighbors, last year I made chocolate bark in different varieties, and it went over pretty well. From watching the Food network, I tried to learn about melting chocolate. I found out about chocolate seizing, and how to loosen it up. So this year, I decided to something different- chocolate covered pretzels. I made a few different varieties, such as white chocolate, milk chocolate and dark chocolate, and topped then with jammies, brickle pieces,mint chocolate and non pariels. A few have made it out to neighbors so far-three more neighbors to go and then they are out of the house. It’ll be a good thing, because we both thought they tasted pretty good!

Three cup morning..

..or at least it feels that way. Not a good start to the day when you are looking on your desk for your coffee mug and it’s not there..so where could it be? I retraced my steps from yesterday before I left and found it right where I left it- at the sink, where I had washed it out. Says a lot for my senior moment in that I couldn’t marry the function of TAKING the clean mug, carrying it in my hand, and walking it back to my desk. Oh yeah, it was close to quitting time, so I guess that explains it. Now if I could just remember to back track for one or two other things, hey, I might be good.

So despite a wonderful Denim and Company polar fleece I have on today, pardon me while I dive head first into this first cup of coffee. May you enjoy your and have a good weekend!

P.S. Did I mention,” Thanks for reading.” ?

Christmas Pins

 

I have my Mom’s Christmas pins.

It was a big thing for us, because Mom’s birthday is December 18 and I follow her by 4 days. When I was a kid, the obvious was always to get her a Christmas pin. When people would give one to me, however, I would thank them, as I was younger, and promptly put it away in a jewelry box. Mom and I would always kid about who had the most Christmas pins.

Last night I was going through Mom’s and found this pin you see in the picture. It’s got to be 45 years old: the enamel is wearing off and it isn’t quite as new looking as the rest.This pin originally was my Mom’s, but I remember that I had no poinsettia pin, so she let me have this one, and I wore it to death through my early grammar school years. I eventually got tired of wearing it, somewhere around fifth grade and it went back to Mom. I guess she figured I’d like it again someday and what do you know-I found it in a box waiting for me to reclaim it.

Thanks, Mom.

Waiting, part deux…

If you loved me waiting for IT on Monday, well, you’ll love this entry-it’s like I never left.

There are many different facets to my job, as I am sure there are to everyone elses.

After my entry the other day on waiting, well, eventually, IT got to me to assist me with my PC problems. Yesterday, I worked on a different report that needed to be done. My error for this morning is that I returned to what was fouling me up on Monday morning figuring that I can get it out-of-the-way.

Fat Chance.

Don’t I go to start the sub-division and get yet the same error message that allegedly was fixed on Monday? I remember I had the fore-sight to have the guy attach me to a second printer, where the sheets eventually came out from. HOWEVER, the menu for completing this job is on a different program. The mistake I made? I tried to access it only to find that my PC conveniently can not access the alleged drive that is on.**grabbing my head while reaching for Excederin bottle**. I am determined to get the bulk of this project done today, but , without prompt assistance from the IT guys, I guess quill pen, parchment, and carrier pigeon may be the way to go.