The 2000’s

I have been watching the series on the 2000’s that has been airing on the National Geographic channel. Sure, you’ve watched the ” I love the 70’s”, or 80’s thru 2000 on VH1, but this is more meatier and more from a historical view.

Some things are hard to see again, like the bombing of the USS Cole and 9/11, but at the same time, you had to see Gore versus Bush election 2000, with memories of hanging chads.I feel this series is pretty well put together, but occasionally there are things that are kind of bizarre.

For instance, Kelly from the first season of Survivor was on speaking about when she was in the show. They must not have gotten enough people to speak about 9/11, because they kept her around to talk about the attacks on the World Trade Center. Huh?

I am sure they will do more in this series, and if you enjoy looking back at history, you should give this series a go.

Here we go again

I have a buddy here at Undisclosed.

Oh yeah…shocker. I have a buddy.

Well, I do have a few, but this one is a fellow cancer survivor, for now. She is once again dealing with the ugly beast beating at her door.

Her cancer is back, but this time with a vengeance.

Her breast cancer has spread to her spine.There aren’t too many folks around here who understand what folks who have cancer feel, which is what drew the both of us together.Now that it is back, while I am here full-time, she has to start daily radiation and chemo. I told her that since I am not working, if she’s around, and wants company, to text me and I’d go over and keep her company.

I have learned not to promise someone with cancer that there is tomorrow, because there may not be. I can help them with their journey as folks have helped me. Fortunately I have, for now, made it through.But even for us who have “made it through”, no one gets a guarantee.

All I can do is to pray for her and be a friend. It’s a scary time, and no one should go it alone.

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Tra-la-la-la -pbbbbt!**a gas and electric customer’s lament…

Our Undisclosed location got torn down in July.
JULY.

The Atlantic City Electric people NEVER came out with a utility pole so the workers could get stuff done: they had to resort to generators.

Now we are shoveling that under the rug because we are waiting and waiting for the electric service to get installed.Did I mention there is a Nor’Easter due today and tomorrow? And as far as the gas men go, well, we have a ton of flags on the site: if that means they’ve been there, sweet: if not, it’ll be time to play the waiting game yet again.

As Jim told the people at AC Electric…you’re making PECO look good.

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Packing and Wrapping

Last night, I started to clean out my Mom’s china closet. I am taking her china with us
to the new house, and will basically use it as everyday dishes: I hate not to take
and/or use them,as they are pretty dishes, and I was there when Daddy bought them for her.

I had my pile of newspaper and open boxes ready to go, and Jim was trying to get me
to go faster.When you have no emotional tie to things, or the memories attached to
them, sure it’s easy to hurry, but I couldn’t. I also came across my Mom’s last pair
of glasses. I dropped them off this morning in a Lion’s box, where they are collecting
them for the poor.

Just when you think you can handle saying good-bye, even after the fact, well, I can
attest the lump comes right in the middle of my throat and the eyes well up.

I know….it has to be done.**sigh**

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Rough

I make sick calls for my Church, bringing Communion to those who can’t make it to Mass.

Last night I stopped first and saw my buddy Sue. What a rough visit.

Her condition is going downhill.Her husband, although he probably knows it, doesn’t say it.
So when he is out of the room talking to my husband, Sue and I talk about a lot of things.
Basically we talk about dying.

Her quality of life is getting poorer by the day. She was speaking of how she can’t get in
the car and ride any more.She can’t walk Eby, her dog.As ahe speaks to me, the tears fall
from her eyes. Her degenerative brain disease obviously hasn’t gotten to her emotions
yet, although she told me yesterday her eyes are starting to fail.

I did manage to make her laugh though.

We talked about her leaving and eventually seeing her family again, as is the belief or
the faith we share.I told her that one day I would come to see her and she wouldn’t be
there.I looked at her straight in the eye and asked her who’d have the last laugh?

She said she would, of course….and we both started laughing.

Hold a good thought , or say a prayer for Sue if you would, please.
It’s rough,leaving one spot behind.

Thanks…appreciate it!

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Back to bittersweet

My “vacation” is almost over.

I was here watching the workmen and what they do and how professionally they did it.
Although I won’t be here Tuesday, it appears that shingles on the roof are scheduled
to make an appearance on Tuesday. The cornfield is gone: it truly is looking like a
house in the making.

I need to go back to mom’s house and clean and pack things up. Things need to be
distributed, packed thrown away, but the nice part of being up there is we get it done a little at a time.The only hard part is that it truly emotionally exhausting.

My eye is on the prize though, and with God’s help, I will deal with whatever I need to
to get on down to my new home.

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A good buddy on a downhill slope

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In prior blog posts, I had written about my friend with a degenerative brain disease.

She had been diagnosed about 5 years ago, and has been going slowly downhill, which has been
so hard for us who love her to watch.We hang in there with her though, because she, even in her illness, is a good friend.

If you can’t find the prior post, she is a former neighbor who made friends with me from the day I moved in,eleven years ago. Her fur-child is Eby, a beautiful male golden retriever. We used to tease about Zush being Eby’s wife-we had many a good chuckle over that. Fortunately Zush is spayed so no worries for me.

I can remember her illness coming on as if it were yesterday. Jim,Zush and I were with her and Eby walking the trail of the Wissahickon. She was complaining about feeling off-balance sometimes, which I said maybe the doctor would tell her it was vertigo.

It wasn’t

I always would walk up twice or 3 times a week when I lived on the block, and we would chew the fat for a while. As her condition has deteriorated, I kept that up,until when we moved this last month. Now I only get to see her once a week.

Yesterday was her 62nd birthday.

If you are of some free time, please throw up a prayer or good thought for my buddy. No one should have to go through what she is.

Somedays you just can’t win.

Can’t use the excuse that I have too much on my mental plate, as caregiving of Mom is long done.

I blame the Cil lifestyle currently known as nomadic life, aka, moving.

We have tried to arrange things to some degree but with limited space it is hard to do.
Things that we have put in one place, well, then we have to make space for other stuff and then you want to get rid of things that need to be trashed..and so on and so on.

I just have to come out and say it that my life is currently a huge ” Dear St.Anthony “. I can’t tell you how many times a day I have to get the wheels in motion with it.Jim and I will actively scour for whatever it is and eventually we do find it. But what a job: it’s like we have nothing else to do during our day.

Things eventually,er,hopefully,will settle down, but they can’t do it quick enough for me.

New house means uber-organization, because I have had enough of this crap.

Thanks for reading ..**climbing down off my soap-box**

Phillies

It truly is trying times for anyone who considers themselves a Phillies baseball fan.

After the excitement of 2007 and, naturally,2008, it’s kind of sad to watch the glory team you remember get older, make mistakes both personally and professionally.

It’s all part of being a Phillies fan.
**sigh**

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Is it November yet?

What was the old saying? These are the times that try men’s souls….. Or in this case, mine.

I truly believe that if God brings you to it, He’ll get you through it. So I have me faith on getting me through this change,successfully, and by His grace Jim, myself and the fur girls will make out ok.

Of course this weather is of no help,and the fact that Jim is running around like a madman makes me more nervous. Somehow sleep and a meal have lost meaning to him .i told him I want him around….

I have always hated drama and yet it’s amazing how life throws it at you. So on behalf of Jim, the fur girls and myself….keep the prayers and good karma going this way- it sure is needed

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Weighing heavy on the mind

It is rough when you have a lot of life’s issues on your shoulders.

You depend on prayer and your faith, but what is it that gives you freedom from fear? A pretty strong faith! I don’t care if you are religious or not-good friends I am always thankful for, and I still need prayers so things pick up .

Thanks!

Excederin, anyone?

It has been a day of phones off the hook, irate people, loud people and my sinus/tension headache to serve as the cherry on top of my day.
I have 21 minutes to go and it can’t come soon enough. The problem is that by the time I make it home, it’ll take another chunk of my day for
my head to clear the junk out. Jim and the girls are my cushion:can’t wait to hug all three.

Is it Friday yet?

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Thirsty?

We are going through a lifestyle change, the Shingleman and I.

Juicing.

Yup, we are trying one meal a day as nutrition via juicing. Yup. I know. Nutrition, skin, pulp… but guess what? We are giving our dining menu a rest and I, for one, haven’t had this many veggies since before my radiation, close to 19 years ago. I fancy myself a decent cook, but heartburn has been hanging with me for a while. I’ll try this.

I had a thought tonite while Shingleman was doing the juicing. I know I am going to burn in hell for it.

The pepper, celery, kale, cucumber, broccoli, carrot and apple juice was really tasty…..

Just needs a shot of vodka. LOL

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Stand and Deliver

It is with a tip o’the cap to my friend “B”,that my resilience is bolstered today. She is going through trying times, and made a journal-like entry as to current conclusions she had made on life as we know it.

I am able to join “B” at these conclusions, thanks to considerate friends, and join in her pronouncement ….”I’ve got this.”

Thanks “B”, for spelling it out for me!
Sometimes a friend is best on leading the way!

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A rainy 200

This is kind of a big deal for me.

Back in October, I started this blog as a therapeutic outlet for me while I watched my Mom on her downward slide with dementia.

Today, she is physically gone from me, I am still writing, and this is blog number 200. From Food network gripes, Mom, Shingleman, Undisclosed location, life working at a government agency , and, of course, my golden girls, you have been there for me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Here’s to the next 200!

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Keep on keeping’ on

So a zillion people are coming to me, telling me how sorry they are to hear that I am going through stuff…, gee, good news travels fast- now if only someone would tell ME about it.** sigh**

It would seem yours truly has been drafted to move back to an area and they need an old body to fill a desk. Nothing like being treated like an old tire that no one wants. Shingleman says , hey just count the days you have left there.

Hell, I’d sooner be gone already!

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This is just a bit much..

The week had some ups and downs. Doesn’t everybody’s? Mine were mostly downs.

I never had a greater appreciation of the house here @ Undisclosed. I realize that problems don’t escape, and you have to face them**thanks to Mother Superior from the Sound of Music**, but it’s kind of sad when people just seem to be drawing up material in order to  cause grief. I mean, just because people hate people doing a job and getting ready to leave, well, people feel they have the right to have a bird turd on your head.

I am going to keep on keeping on, and as of Monday, there will be a red X on my calendar, to start the countdown out.

You have to do what you need to do to be happy.

Some beautiful  flowers lightened up my mood-am sharing them with you in this post.

Trying not to be a hater…

People (friends and associates) constantly are telling me stuff. What’s going on, their families, their lives,well you get the drift-it all eventually comes my way. After all, people know you are their friend.

Friends treat friends like that -friends, right ? I love the part of a “friendship” where, all of a sudden, one party treats you like it’s fifth grade. If you like me, you won’t talk to the people I don’t talk to.

Really?

You would think folks who are friends for over 15 years, and on top of a certain age, would be respectful of the personality of a friend. Obviously, I am mistaken….I must be too ” old school”…lol.

Anyhow, here’s guessing some people are still thinking they are the bully of the schoolyard. Hope they enjoy the time they spend alone there.

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Feeling a little blue

 

….and I came upon this sign.

 

This church is down at the “Undisclosed Location” and we pass it on a daily basis.

I have been weathering a lot recently, Mom, and then Jim and his shingles,and just couldn’t seem to shake the malaise I felt.

I saw this sign and thought to myself that truer words were never spoken.

This Thursday, the first of March, will be 19 years since I have been clean from my first cancer. Yup. NINETEEN. Through radiation, chemo, radiation implants…..NINETEEN.

 

Malaise, whatever….I am grateful to have two feet ON the ground.

 

Wish a shingle was only for a roof.

Jim’s shingles are a new experience which, quite frankly, I wish I never bought a ticket for.

I love my husband. Really.I do

Coming off of care giving for Mom, at least with Mom you could figure out how to make her comfortable. In a sense, it was basic care 101.

Shingles? Hah.

My friend Kate has been holding my hand through this and the doctor actually responded to me this morning but, **shaking my head** I just don’t know.It’s as though the Bermuda triangle has hit and we can’t seem to pull ourselves out of it. I know I can’t make his pain go away, but at the same time, I can’t seem to even help make him comfortable. It is a very frustrating situation that I find myself in. The doctor called with a basic increase in medicine this morning, and perhaps that’s the ticket. I hear from people who had relatives who had it and how badly the pain affected them and, quite frankly, I get scared. Cancer hits, you know you are losing control of your body.When possible, you do everything within your power to rid yourself of it. Dementia hits, the scariness is that your mind is going. Shingles, that damn dormant chicken pox virus, lies dormant, comes out with stress, bites you in the butt and seems to suck the life force out of you. It is truly an “E” ticket ride.

Me? Well, I’ll keep on keeping on, keep working the beads, and looking for only the “A” ticket rides.

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Heaven opening up

It would stand to figure it’s raining this morning.

Old school says if it’s raining for a funeral, it’s God opening up heaven to let the body in .

Well,I believe Mom is in heaven already. However, the gravesite is on the side of a hill. It’s rainy…I have a black dress on. Get the probable equation…

“Man plans, God laughs.”. 😀

Inspired

One of the nice things about being home today was I was able to see the Joe Paterno tribute from University Park.

Jimmy Cefalo, who played for Coach Paterno in the seventies, said something he was told by Paterno, and I think between using this quote in tandem with my faith, well, it will get me through tomorrow.

“When you get your day going ( paraphrasing), change happens: nothing stays the same. Make it a better day, instead of a worse one.”

Thanks, Coach…good advice.