Yup, I know Fall doesn’t start until late September.
As I sit here and type this, I am looking out the window and looking at the late summer lawn and garden.Part of me is genuinely sad, as I am sitting in the room where both my parents passed away in 1998 and 2012.That thought and looking at the outside really makes me feel the passage of time.Part of me laments the fact that I used to go swimming in the summer with Zush, and the fact that we are both getting a little older, well, Zush goes in and I keep her company going up to my mid-calves.
I feel depressed.
The hope I have is for the future.
The hope to finish out my time here in the city and pray that the future is kind to us all.To actually live in a house with my husband that is ours and with our furniture and belongings and things that are ours is something that I am patiently waiting for. I hear Jim say about how is going to miss his job, and yet, I am leaving mine to move as is he, and this was the first time I heard him express that.Wow…something else to mull over in my mind,
I mull these things over in my head, and although I know I am more than ready to leave, I can only pray that we all survive the transition.
In the crispness of fall, hopefully, things will be comforting to us and we all will be alright.
I was fortunate enough to meet him in 1966, when I was in first grade. The Polish band of missionaries, called the Pauline fathers, we building a giant shrine in Doylestown, Pennsylvania, called the National Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa, home of the Czarna Madonna in America.He was only Karol Cardinal Wojtyla then.
As I was brought up Catholic and am of Polish heritage, when they made him the Pope, I rejoiced with all Polonia when The Holy Father was installed.I avidly followed his travels,prayed with concern during his attempted assassination, prayed with him as he failed with Parkinson’s disease. I Cried as I was up early watching his funeral.
It goes without saying that I was up at 3 am yesterday morning watching “my” Pope declared Saint.I had a little tear in my eye thinking of my family who would be watching the proceedings in heaven, My dad was five months younger than the Pope so it goes without saying he followed his papacy with interest, and for all I know, he can be rubbing shoulders with him in heaven now.
Saint John Paul II, ora pro nobis.
Last night, I started to clean out my Mom’s china closet. I am taking her china with us
to the new house, and will basically use it as everyday dishes: I hate not to take
and/or use them,as they are pretty dishes, and I was there when Daddy bought them for her.
I had my pile of newspaper and open boxes ready to go, and Jim was trying to get me
to go faster.When you have no emotional tie to things, or the memories attached to
them, sure it’s easy to hurry, but I couldn’t. I also came across my Mom’s last pair
of glasses. I dropped them off this morning in a Lion’s box, where they are collecting
them for the poor.
Just when you think you can handle saying good-bye, even after the fact, well, I can
attest the lump comes right in the middle of my throat and the eyes well up.
I know….it has to be done.**sigh**
What is it about sixty degree weather that makes you want to take care of yourself, or, at least that’s what I have experienced.
I have suffered through the summer with no will to do anything, and now that the taste of sixty degrees has shown its face, I want to get my stuff back together and feel better, period, end of story.I am due to be encompassing on a new life’s journey and I’ll be damned if I want to feel like this all the time.
I have picked out some healthy recipes that I have made this week for us for dinner,and I am keeping my fingers crossed that the ball will keep rolling.Oatmeal and a peach this morning also seemed like a good start.
Maybe it’s the fact that I am listening to the soundtrack from Black Swan and maybe I want to feel as light and airy as the ballet suite…hahaha….anyway we want to feel better for packing it all in.
Let the games begin!
In prior blog posts, I had written about my friend with a degenerative brain disease.
She had been diagnosed about 5 years ago, and has been going slowly downhill, which has been
so hard for us who love her to watch.We hang in there with her though, because she, even in her illness, is a good friend.
If you can’t find the prior post, she is a former neighbor who made friends with me from the day I moved in,eleven years ago. Her fur-child is Eby, a beautiful male golden retriever. We used to tease about Zush being Eby’s wife-we had many a good chuckle over that. Fortunately Zush is spayed so no worries for me.
I can remember her illness coming on as if it were yesterday. Jim,Zush and I were with her and Eby walking the trail of the Wissahickon. She was complaining about feeling off-balance sometimes, which I said maybe the doctor would tell her it was vertigo.
I always would walk up twice or 3 times a week when I lived on the block, and we would chew the fat for a while. As her condition has deteriorated, I kept that up,until when we moved this last month. Now I only get to see her once a week.
Yesterday was her 62nd birthday.
If you are of some free time, please throw up a prayer or good thought for my buddy. No one should have to go through what she is.
Loss is loss is loss.
Sure you leave one house and have a new house in the offing doesn’t mean that going through the
house of your late parents, the house both your parents passed in, well, for one party it is
the house that you have more loss in.
People who still have family or never experienced the sense of loss that I have will
never swing the feeling I am going through. Perhaps it is something that only women
my age have experienced. I mean people go and leave their home and go away and have
no trouble experiencing life. Maybe it’s just a question of having this occurrence that
happens to me know pulls me ‘down the rabbit hole.”
Let’s up I can get up again.