Heartbeat

It’s St. Valentine’s Day.

I know a lot of single friends and there are all sorts of witty sayings going around on Facebook to either jab at those without a mate, or to commiserate with them.I feel for single folks, as I was one for 42 years and do remember what it is like.

For the past 15 years, I have been blessed to have Jim in my life.It was the classic 42 year-old spinster and the 48 year-old bachelor and yet here we are, almost 13 years later in our marriage, and it is safe to say that Jim still makes my heart skip a beat.

It’s funny,because I went to see 50 Shades of Grey with my neighbor last night, as Jim deemed it a chick thing.Yet for all the images conjured up by the movie,my best friend, lover and husband is indeed the one who makes my heart still skip a beat.We haven’t gone through children, only fur kids which can be up there with human children,deaths of parents,selling houses, moving, buying houses,jobs,retirement,illnesses, and, well, you catch my drift.We are on the road to hopefully growing old together,hoping that we are that blessed to accomplish that.

If you are reading this and single,I would tell you to hang in there if you are still looking, or good for you if you are comfortable in your current situation.If you are married like me, I hope you had a marvelous St.Valentine’s day.Savor love all 365 days a year, not just today.If you have lost your love one,cherish their memory!

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End of the Summer Season

Yup, I know Fall doesn’t start until late September.

As I sit here and type this, I am looking out the window and looking at the late summer lawn and garden.Part of me is genuinely sad, as I am sitting in the room where both my parents passed away in 1998 and 2012.That thought and looking at the outside really makes me feel the passage of time.Part of me laments the fact that I used to go swimming in the summer with Zush, and the fact that we are both getting a little older, well, Zush goes in and I keep her company going up to my mid-calves.

I feel depressed.

The hope I have is for the future.

The hope to finish out my time here in the city and pray that the future is kind to us all.To actually live in a house with my husband that is ours and with our furniture and belongings and things that are ours is something that I am patiently waiting for. I hear Jim say about how is going to miss his job, and yet, I am leaving mine to move as is he, and this was the first time I heard him express that.Wow…something else to mull over in my mind,

I mull these things over in my head, and although I know I am more than ready to leave, I can only pray that we all survive the transition.

In the crispness of fall, hopefully, things will be comforting to us and we all will be alright.

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Two Years

My Mom left me two years ago today.
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss her and/or think of her. Perhaps it’s because my Brother Bob and I took care of her for close to five years after she slipped into dementia.

There is so much I know she experiences from a higher vantage point: her children, her Philadelphia grandsons,her sister, her family,her church.I am sad because she never got down here with Jim and me,but am taking some comfort she’s up there,watching with my Dad.

My parents always said that we’d miss them when they left us.The only thing? They didn’t tell me how badly I’d miss them.

R.I.P. Mom.

Miss you guys every day.

An August 15 years ago

Saturday marks 15 years since my Dad passed away at home. My Aunt and Mom took care of him while I was at work: I had him from 4PM until 6:30am.

I knew I was losing my Dad 8 months earlier. My Dad, who loved to drive, stopped-end of story.
I knew something was wrong.

My Dad was diagnosed with Non-alcoholic stenotic hepatitis.The disease took him away after 8 months.In a way, it was the best and worst time of my life.I was always tight with my Dad,and when someone hands you a full urinal at 2am, well, we would talk until we fell back asleep.
It was a terrible time because my Dad didn’t want to go to the hospital to get drained, which had accompanied the disease.We couldn’t even get him downstairs, he was so blown up. We managed to get him down, and I promised him that if he went that one time, he’d never have to go again.

We kept him home in hospice care from the V.A., and I was glad that we did.I know it gave him some peace that he was home. Roughly 18 months ago, my Mom left from the same house,but her disease was Dementia. I was glad my brother Bob and I kept her in her home.I know she, too, had some peace.

There is not a day, especially of late, that I don’t miss them both. I am grateful they brought me up with a faith that is firm and believes that I will see them again one day.They are both wagging their fingers down at me and my life from heaven….I know I will see them again some day and they’ll still be doing the same thing…lol.

I miss you guys-sleep well.

Mom's last pic
Mom’s last pic

Room with a view

The picture below has been my view every morning for the past 10+ years. It overlooks my neighbor’s property, over the Wissahickon valley, and catches some of the city skyline. Many a Fourth of July we caught nice fireworks from that window.

Things change. This is probably my last Friday looking at this view. Zush, Kasia and Jim have spent a lot of family time in this house and we all have slept in this bedroom. Family and close friends have passed away, people have moved away,children who were once knee high are in junior high- in short, things go on.

There will be other windows, none with this stained glass, or view. All I can do while the fur girls are dozing on the floor, is to hold the moment tight in my heart and tighter in my mind…..

…..that,and pray for the best, Keep holding good thoughts- sure can use them, especially this week.

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Three hundred sixty five days

Mom is gone one year.

One year since I got to look into those eyes, hold the soft skin of her hand, sing ,talk,and pray in Polish with her.

One year since I had to sleep on the sofa, worry about her paperwork,figure out what I can have her eat,jockey with Bob regarding issues on Mom’s care, pay her caregivers….

I’d do it ALL again.

I was blessed to have her for 52 years. She always will be a big part of me.

My nephew Greg and my Mom,.circa 3 years ago
My nephew Greg and my Mom,.circa 3 years ago

This is a picture of Mom with her grandson-my nephew, Greg.

February slump

I always loved winter:it was due, no doubt to my December birthday.

My buddy,Juls, from mid-state, is coming up on the anniversary of her Mom’s death. My Mom’s passing is fresh in my head. My buddy from the office just buried his Mom. All winter events…you can’t help when things happen and people pass.

There has been no big snow, things are hanging in, and unfortunately, I am finding myself in the midst of February blues. Jim having the shingles, no doubt, has not been a highlight here.

I had picked up three pots of old bulbs from my Mom’s front yard and the hyacinths are forcing their heads up, along with my tulips.

Come on spring!