Joauquin by Northwest

The hurricane that is coming, fading, or whatever, Joaquin, is second fiddle down here right now.

The coin of the realm here is the Nor’easter.

It was bad enough that the ferry “consolidated” boats due to lack of folks wanting to go on a Disney-esque boat ride that would probably have turned the most galvanized stomach green. I, the hourly purveyor of what my three weather apps on my phone say, well, each time I thought I was going out in drizzle, well, I forgot one thing. The formula is you have to take drizzle and multiply it by a 25 knot wind and then you have one saturated self, not to mention puppies. I went out at my lunch half hour today to try to get steps in, and the first 1.5 miles were rough. I am, although thanks to fit bit zip a bit smaller, but I am a big Polish girl and that wind was fighting me. Needless to say, the last 1.5 miles was a literal breeze, as the wind was at my back giving me a little help.

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To counter all of this storm, though, Jim and I are going for our flu shots tomorrow morning, and after we take care of the health of our bodies, I will act on the health oh Zush and Kasia and my soul, when we take our girls to our parish church, when they will be celebrating the feast of St.Francis of Assisi with the traditional blessing of the animals.

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Did I mention I’ll be working on a crock pot of chicken soup to boot?

A good day to take care of the entire family.

Foggy Days, Foggy Heart

We are working in the doldrums of late spring,early summer.To accompany that, we have had a stretch of rainy, foggy, weather.

As Father’s day approaches, making me miss my Dad even more than I humanly thought possible, there are more deaths in our expanded family. One of the few cousins left on my Mom’s side has passed away, and tomorrow is the funeral. When you stop and think about the passing of the old guard, you realize that we are now on the cusp of becoming the old guard ourselves.

The key is to keep your faith, your body and your mind in balance.I really believe it to be the way to lift the fog off the heart.

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Goodbye my friend.

I do sick calls for the Church.

I see three, maybe four people.One of them is my pal Sue.

After getting off the phone now, I have mixed emotions.Her secondary caregiver informed me they started her on hospice yesterday. She is getting morphine for pain every four hours.

**sigh**

Sue and I have talked about dying and pain and how she wants to see her Mom again, and the two of us believe she will.Being Catholic, it’s one strong belief we both share.She could talk about it to me, because we know we could always talk about anything.We even kind of laughed about it, because the last time we talked about it, we chuckled that she would have the last laugh and one day I’d come down to see her and she won’t be there.

So I’ll go see her today, and Jim and the girls will go with me.I know in my heart that she wants to go, but as I type this, I know the emotions I have will be rough. I don’t even know if she’ll be awake from the morphine.

She has been a major part of my married life. She was a friend I could talk husbands with, talk dogs with, joke about weather girls with.

I always joked that when she goes to heaven, to help me out while I am down here.I’ll miss her, but she will always be in my heart.

Praying,waiting and watching…

The trip up for Zush had the vet telling me that Zush has to be watched.

We have to stop one med and watch her.As it gets a little cooler this week, we’ll
see if there is any change.Hopefully there will be, God willing. If not,down to
the vet we go on Monday morning.

Managed to get some laundry done and have issues perking that are right on
time to keep my head weighed down even more. All a part of life, I guess. I
made sick calls for Church, only to be told my buddy is now sleeping half a day.
Just the kind of stuff to break your heart.

Hopefully,the shore will pick us back up, at least for a little while.

**Fingers crossed**

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An August 15 years ago

Saturday marks 15 years since my Dad passed away at home. My Aunt and Mom took care of him while I was at work: I had him from 4PM until 6:30am.

I knew I was losing my Dad 8 months earlier. My Dad, who loved to drive, stopped-end of story.
I knew something was wrong.

My Dad was diagnosed with Non-alcoholic stenotic hepatitis.The disease took him away after 8 months.In a way, it was the best and worst time of my life.I was always tight with my Dad,and when someone hands you a full urinal at 2am, well, we would talk until we fell back asleep.
It was a terrible time because my Dad didn’t want to go to the hospital to get drained, which had accompanied the disease.We couldn’t even get him downstairs, he was so blown up. We managed to get him down, and I promised him that if he went that one time, he’d never have to go again.

We kept him home in hospice care from the V.A., and I was glad that we did.I know it gave him some peace that he was home. Roughly 18 months ago, my Mom left from the same house,but her disease was Dementia. I was glad my brother Bob and I kept her in her home.I know she, too, had some peace.

There is not a day, especially of late, that I don’t miss them both. I am grateful they brought me up with a faith that is firm and believes that I will see them again one day.They are both wagging their fingers down at me and my life from heaven….I know I will see them again some day and they’ll still be doing the same thing…lol.

I miss you guys-sleep well.

Mom's last pic
Mom’s last pic

Weighing heavy on the mind

It is rough when you have a lot of life’s issues on your shoulders.

You depend on prayer and your faith, but what is it that gives you freedom from fear? A pretty strong faith! I don’t care if you are religious or not-good friends I am always thankful for, and I still need prayers so things pick up .

Thanks!

Mood matching weather

It’ll all be worth it in the long run: isn’t that what they always say?

The wait, the worry, the roadblocks,the lack of cooperation. ..all for change, and to leave the comfort zone you have been in for 12 years. The annoyance of waiting for work to get done. Jim wringing his hands in agitation….**sigh**

Lots of obstacles in the way: prayers would be great this week:we really need help from high, and here too.

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Needing some fur children love

It has been that kind of day.

The minutiae of work, trying to get my brain to stop traveling through issues.My mind is stressing over stuff, some needed, some warranted,ok , but…

As a follow-up to yesterday’s posting on my Zush and Kasia ,boy, am I ever in need of my gals…I think a good walk with the gals will hit the spot. The amount of BS that has been around on a daily basis, well, it has to be shaken away.

Not that I don’t love Jim~ I do with all my heart and then some. He’s stressed out like me too … but being in an office all day? The girls are the answer!

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Friday five

My godson/nephew Greg has been my right hand this summer. From meeting me once in a while at the train, changing my flag out front, to taking care of mom’s lawn…I tell him constantly how thankful I am, and I hope he knows it!

The lousy heat has raised its’ head again. I am grateful to be employed and cashing a check that allows me an occasional iced coffee splurge.

I also am glad and thankful for my faith: my parents were with me in a dream-I know they are together and happy!

It’s August, and it is our anniversary month: I am blessed to have my Jim, even when he is freezing and I am sweating to death! 🙂

In closing , thank you, reader! I am glad you’re here.

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Turning a corner

After a really crappy turn at work for the past month or so, I walked home from the train tonite with a feeling I haven’t had in a long time-peace!

What a difference compassionate friends have made: I may not have a ton of friends but the ones I have are fabulous. I am truly blessed. They are there for you no matter what, and I know they know I am there for them.

Life is good, especially when you make it over a mountain.

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Just can’t seem to win

We seem to currently be going steady with a grey cloud over us.

Jim, the habitual realist/pessimist-me? Habitual realist/ optimist. All we want to do is retire and move to Undisclosed full time. Well, we seem to be turning corners, and are looking around them optimistically for change. It seems all we are looking out at are more brick walls .

Well, nice to know that the sucky timing of this runs parallel to my theory of this year nine into ten being a long, long year..,it’s got to get better!

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And so we start

So here it is.
Monday.
The first Monday without both of my buddies that retired.

Knowing it is going to take all I have, plus a ton of prayer and the strongest faith this side of the planet, I am going in to put my first x on the calendar . I will be offering big time prayers up that I can get out in one peace, and no it’s not a typo, for I have One gigantic heart full of peace and I would love for it to come with me.

Now if only things work out ok and my stomach un-knots, things will be ok.

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Feeling a little blue

 

….and I came upon this sign.

 

This church is down at the “Undisclosed Location” and we pass it on a daily basis.

I have been weathering a lot recently, Mom, and then Jim and his shingles,and just couldn’t seem to shake the malaise I felt.

I saw this sign and thought to myself that truer words were never spoken.

This Thursday, the first of March, will be 19 years since I have been clean from my first cancer. Yup. NINETEEN. Through radiation, chemo, radiation implants…..NINETEEN.

 

Malaise, whatever….I am grateful to have two feet ON the ground.

 

Faith is…

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen..”

One of the many things I am so thankful as I begin the new era of my life without my Mom is how she brought me up.

I am no saint, but she truly worked on instilling faith into me. Hey Mom? It worked.

Three cancers I fought through: I had faith.

Losing my Dad? Now my Mom? FAITH.

I know that she has  been greeted and is safe and secure in heaven. It is so funny, as in our “black” humor,Bob and I have been talking to each other saying who has Mom tonite. Last night we said it was Paul, the undertaker…and we joked about making him tuck her in tight. Well, not to fear: God has her wrapped up tight and she’ll be secure forever.

Sleep tight Mom.