Back in the Trenches

Tomorrow I go back to work.

Seriously.

I’ll be with the ferry, and it would appear, as it is busy season, that I’ll be working **choking** full-time, at least for a couple of weeks.

**Wondering where my retirement went**

It is a good spot to be at, as opposed to where I recently was at, so I am not really concerned regarding that.I am wondering how my poor old body will handle getting up at 5:30 so the girls can get a good walk, work a full day, come home and figure out what’s for dinner, walk the girls again, shower and get to bed.

I really haven’t had to do that full-time since January 2nd.

I’ll be by the water, which, in my book, is the best place to be.The flip side is that my girls will be missing me, as I them, while I am not here.With Zush at the tender age of 13, I know every moment I have with her is precious, so I just am going to have to triple up with her when I am home.

Here’s hoping for a good run.

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Your kids, fur kids…

I have been constantly harped on by certain folk, who have since been left by me on the wayside, about how I should have adopted children but I was selfish for choosing animals.Oh well….my fur kids are my kids. No excuses.

So I have new sympathy for parents,going through what I have with Zush the past few days.She had her shot, she’s getting her medicine, but she’s still yelping, albeit nowhere as much as she had been. I know I have to know miracles don’t happen, and she’s getting older, and the end result? I just want her to be better.Her yelping gets me.I know she can’t tell me, and I know I have a job to be at and I can’t be with her every minute.I feel like a mom running after a kid with a tissue to wipe its’ news.

Would I change it for a minute? Hell no. I am blessed to have my two girls.

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Saint John Paul II

I was fortunate enough to meet him in 1966, when I was in first grade. The Polish band of missionaries, called the Pauline fathers, we building a giant shrine in Doylestown, Pennsylvania, called the National Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa, home of the Czarna Madonna in America.He was only Karol Cardinal Wojtyla then.

As I was brought up Catholic and am of Polish heritage, when they made him the Pope, I rejoiced with all Polonia when The Holy Father was installed.I avidly followed his travels,prayed with concern during his attempted assassination, prayed with him as he failed with Parkinson’s disease. I Cried as I was up early watching his funeral.

It goes without saying that I was up at 3 am yesterday morning watching “my” Pope declared Saint.I had a little tear in my eye thinking of my family who would be watching the proceedings in heaven, My dad was five months younger than the Pope so it goes without saying he followed his papacy with interest, and for all I know, he can be rubbing shoulders with him in heaven now.

Saint John Paul II, ora pro nobis.

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Not a creature was stirring..

I am sitting alone at our breakfast bar.

Jim is asleep on the sofa in front of the Phillies game,the girls are sprawled out on the floor and I am waiting for some wash to finish.

We have grass coming in, although right now it resembles a kind of peach fuzz.Thankfully it is raining right now:Jim was happy as he said it takes up a lot of time to water.I think the long stretch of the week mentally has caught up with us because we would probably be, dogs notwithstanding, cast for the cast of the Walking Dead- we would be pretty good zombies.

Hopefully, we’ll be snapping out of this.Between the juicing and moving around more, we’ll get there-I have faith.

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Eternal Rest

I was here working on a scarf last night; not for long as my eyes were tired and almost ready for bed.

I received a text on my phone.

Sue had passed.

It’s over. My friend had gotten her wish to be with her Mom.

After the text from the caregiver, around ten minutes later, Sue’s husband phoned me to let me know. I told him I was so sorry, and he started to tell me how he was waiting on hospice to come. He knew the day was coming but he was in shock.He cared for her for the last four years and was married to her for the last thirty-two. I guess I’d be in shock too.

Rest in peace, my friend. You’ll be missed but you’re in a better place with your mom.

Sleep warm.

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Goodbye my friend.

I do sick calls for the Church.

I see three, maybe four people.One of them is my pal Sue.

After getting off the phone now, I have mixed emotions.Her secondary caregiver informed me they started her on hospice yesterday. She is getting morphine for pain every four hours.

**sigh**

Sue and I have talked about dying and pain and how she wants to see her Mom again, and the two of us believe she will.Being Catholic, it’s one strong belief we both share.She could talk about it to me, because we know we could always talk about anything.We even kind of laughed about it, because the last time we talked about it, we chuckled that she would have the last laugh and one day I’d come down to see her and she won’t be there.

So I’ll go see her today, and Jim and the girls will go with me.I know in my heart that she wants to go, but as I type this, I know the emotions I have will be rough. I don’t even know if she’ll be awake from the morphine.

She has been a major part of my married life. She was a friend I could talk husbands with, talk dogs with, joke about weather girls with.

I always joked that when she goes to heaven, to help me out while I am down here.I’ll miss her, but she will always be in my heart.

The other Mrs. C.

My mother-in-law turned 95 yesterday.

Ninety-five.

I am jealous, although I am so happy for her, but it just makes me miss my Mom all that more.
She wouldn’t have liked to go out like my mother-in-law does, but just to see that smile and
and hear that voice would be so nice.

Sto lat, Mom C., and many more.God bless you and keep you safe.

Mom..I miss you every day.

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Rough

I make sick calls for my Church, bringing Communion to those who can’t make it to Mass.

Last night I stopped first and saw my buddy Sue. What a rough visit.

Her condition is going downhill.Her husband, although he probably knows it, doesn’t say it.
So when he is out of the room talking to my husband, Sue and I talk about a lot of things.
Basically we talk about dying.

Her quality of life is getting poorer by the day. She was speaking of how she can’t get in
the car and ride any more.She can’t walk Eby, her dog.As ahe speaks to me, the tears fall
from her eyes. Her degenerative brain disease obviously hasn’t gotten to her emotions
yet, although she told me yesterday her eyes are starting to fail.

I did manage to make her laugh though.

We talked about her leaving and eventually seeing her family again, as is the belief or
the faith we share.I told her that one day I would come to see her and she wouldn’t be
there.I looked at her straight in the eye and asked her who’d have the last laugh?

She said she would, of course….and we both started laughing.

Hold a good thought , or say a prayer for Sue if you would, please.
It’s rough,leaving one spot behind.

Thanks…appreciate it!

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Draining Emotion

I remember once upon a time ago, around the time that I was getting married, seeing
a list of the events that are stressors in people’s lives. Moving, marriage, divorce,
illness, you get the idea.

While trying to fall asleep this morning, I was thinking about stressors. I was wondering
if I am considered weak for admitting I have stressors: am I supposed to be a good
soldier and take it as it comes.

It seems like the victim in this equation is emotion.It’s as if you aren’t allowed to
cry when you rip a house apart, when you throw something sentimental out: you are just
supposed to do it.I consider myself a strong woman but there is only so much strength
you can hold on to.You have to mourn, you have to remember, you take this and go forward.

Here’s hoping.

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Wasted Day of Emotion

I wasn’t in good shape today.

My Zosia girl is 12 years old, and the heat and humidity at Undisclosed was getting to her. The internet, being a curse and blessing, had me looking up symptoms on-line and I, quite frankly was losing it. I had no motivation to do anything today but to be by her side.

It is amazing how conscious you can be of loss, or impending loss,as I felt when my parents were leaving me.I know Zush now tends to have issues like she had today: doesn’t make things any easier for me though.

I just keep praying that I have my best bud around for a few more years. Yes I know it’s selfish but the loss would truly go down to my core.

Hold a good thought and prayer for the Zusher- she gives so much good karma and happiness to people, I am hoping she gets to do it for a bit longer.

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