Mom…it feels like a lifetime

Today marks four years since Mom passed and I have to offer what I had written in last years post. The meaning is even deeper, as is the heartache.

I miss her every day.It’s a hole in my heart that I know might be healed over by the time I pass away.I find her in little things, and especially, while in the process of moving, I unpacked her sweater and sat with it on today.I made waffle batter this morning in one of her mixing bowls. Tomorrow I am going to look for a book to put her handwritten recipes in. I know she is at peace,and that is the only thing that makes the pain of loss a little bearable.

I keep a picture of her on the table by my bed, and see her every morning.It’s a shot of her before she fell into dementia.On the computer I see pictures of her in her hospital bed when she was in hospice.Today we got the new issue of AARP magazine and they had, on the cover,pictures of everyone who had Alzheimer’s/Dementia and they were people who had passed within the year.

I cherish the memory while God still blesses me with one, and cherish every day I am on two feet. I figure the best way I can honor her legacy is to keep going as best as I can.

Doesn’t stop her from missing me, though.

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Fit Bit Interrruptus

Argh….

So I thought it was a normal Wednesday, so I go myself together and got the girls out and then, a study I am participating in Dementia/Alzheimer’s calls. So forget the long walk with the girls, as their study call required me to get home to a quiet spot.

Then I decided that I would try to take the gals out again and what do you think? The phone rings and my next tango with the State of New Jersey was on the line, looking to go twenty rounds with me. Some fun,eh?

Tomorrow we are having friends over for dinner so the girls and I are going to do our stepping in the drizzle in order to catch up a wee bit.

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Mother’s Day Blues

I miss my Mom.

It doesn’t help that I read Facebook and a zillion posts about Mother’s Day.All that does is make me miss my Mom even more.

Sure, there were different stages of Mom, from when I was young, teenager, young adult, married, and finally, caregiver.There were so many different facets to the relationship since I was the only daughter with two sons.Part of that was made the caregiving a no-brainer, because, after all, she was my Mom, even though, with the dementia, she had no clue of who I was.

Yes, I am a pup Mom, nowhere near the same stratosphere as a human Mom, but it just wasn’t in the cards for me.I know that my fur girls love me, so that is of some comfort to me.My Mom knew Zush, so she is my remaining tie to Mom’s well days.

Happy Mother’s Day in heaven, Mom. I miss you and love you! If you are blessed to still have your Mom with you, hug her tight on Sunday and if you are a Mom-Happy Mother’s Day!

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Mom

I read a post of Facebook today that made me close my eyes and take me back three years.

A friend of mine who is posted in the Vatican put on the Facebook message page that his father passed away. I wrote condolences from myself and Jim, and let him know that this is the week of the year that God looks for angels. Today is three years that my Mom passed away.

Three years.

I miss her every day.It’s a whole in my heart that I know might be healed over by the time I pass away.I find her in little things, and especially, while in the process of moving, I unpacked her sweater and sat with it on today.I made waffle batter this morning in one of her mixing bowls. Tomorrow I am going to look for a book to put her handwritten recipes in. I know she is at peace,and that is the only thing that makes the pain of loss a little bearable.

I keep a picture of her on the table by my bed, and see her every morning.It’s a shot of her before she fell into dementia.On the computer I see pictures of her in her hospital bed when she was in hospice.Today we got the new issue of AARP magazine and they had, on the cover,pictures of everyone who had Alzheimer’s/Dementia and they were people who had passed within the year.

I cherish the memory while God still blesses me with one, and cherish every day I am on two feet. I figure the best way I can honor her legacy is to keep going as best as I can.

Doesn’t stop her from missing me, though.

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Moving daze…lol

The fun began.

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So here I am with the rest of my life ahead of me and a big bunch of moved items.

**sigh**

I never have the energy or inclination to pack or unpack.Because I am a sentimental fool who has memories of basically everything and feel sad, albeit I do get excited at change, I admit, I tend to reflect quicker than I do look forward.I cherish the memories I do have, and especially having a Mom who had dementia, realize the importance of them.

It’s a new day, however, and it’s the classic “first day of the rest of my life.”

Pardon me while I get back to moving boxes and black bags.