Not Into It

It has been a hard day today.

I think, like a lot of people who have had loss in their life, the closer you get to Christmas the harder it is to deal with.People who still have all their family haven’t a clue as to what the loss does to you at this time of the year.Things happened today that just seemed to put me over the edge, and I can honestly say I have not cried this much and felt this low in a long time.It’s hard, because I used to love this week and now, I can’t believe that I have turned into one of those people who can’t wait for February, so December would be over.

It is sad, and when I think of my “past” life”, I think this is what makes me tear up the most.I guess I need to put the sadness of the past in its place, and the fear of the future in it’s place.I just have got to live in this moment.
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Apple Picking Time

Jim decided to take us home via Atlantic City today.

I got a belated birthday/Christmas gift-a mini Apple iPad .

I use the Mac book pro and phone for my pictures, but it was if I needed something to stretch my abities.

Here’s to a long and happy run with it. 

 

Christmas Week Warmth…

…is what they are talking about on the Weather Channel.

  
This was the sunrise shot from the east,as obviously I am not at the ocean.Yet, three minutes after I took this shot, the heavy drizzle commenced.The girls and I are old hat at weather, but as I said my morning prayers as we walked, I prayed for those folks affected by the tornados in the south and Midwest-until it happens to you, you have no clue of major life upheaval, that is, if you are fortunate enough to escape with your life.

I’ve read of people saddened at missing Christmas with extended families due to weather.Fortunately their families encouraged them to stay out of harms’way:they felt their present was to have their loved ones for Christmas coming.

I am going through nothing like this, thank God.My weather is in my heart where it’s raining tears, missing MY dad and MY mom and family I can’t be with.I can only pray for the day to be back with them.This Christmas I will have a smile on my face and get comfort knowing I’ll be with them again one day.This is nothing next to the poor 6 people who died in the tornados.

If you are traveling please be careful.May the protective hedge of the Divine Being keep you safe,

Merry Christmas and safe travels ! 

 
From me and Kasia,whose tongue is always going,,,,

  
And from me and the Zush🌲🎀🐶

  
And from Jim

One Day at a Time

I went to my friend’s Christmas party and managed to keep a smile on my face.

I socialized with folks, heard stories and responded to them and questions. I tried to keep an interested look on my face. My heart was just not in it.

It kicks me in the butt, though, because December used to be my time, birthdays of Mom and me and later Greg, my nephew.Christmas, of course.When you live in a house full of holiday malaise it is rough to get the spirit,let alone keep it going. I got home tonight and heaved a large sigh, as I was happy it was done. Don’t get me wrong: it was a great party and the food and drinks were excellent.

I just need to get through the holidays.

I remember a happy time.Of late,it has not been.I paste a smile on my face for folks and wish them a Merry Christmas, but my heart is not in it.I pray all the time when I am walking the girls,and my mind is just filled the mundane and pressing thoughts of daily life.Perhaps if things were different, I’d feel differently. I respect and love the season: I really do.

Right now though, I am just living for January.

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Christmas Malaise Conquered

I just came back from the Wesr Cape May Christmas parade.

  
Met my buddy and neighbor,Linda and that  was a nice surprise. It always amazes me that there are so many bands that participate. We even managed to catch some string bands and caught the audio: the lighting sucked, though.When you are in a hurry to run and catch the music, well, it happens.

  
But most importantly I got to see some Christmas lights. If that doesn’t get you in the Christmas spirit, I don’t know what will.

  

Holiday Malaise

Ok, so my tree is up but I haven’t managed to get out to see any Christmas decorations yet.
We were in Congress Hall the other week and it was Christmas-y but tonight was the actual tree lighting ceremony, but instead we are here.

Friends of Jim’s are coming tomorrow so the house got the once over today and instead of taking in the sights we are here at home.**sigh**

I probably will wait until later and try to catch a Christmas movie on tv, figuring that’s as close as I am going to get, for now.Actually, I have to keep an eye on Zush, as I suspect she is not feeling too well, so I’ll probably be monitoring her to make sure she is ok.

My sister has her Christmas decorations up outside, so maybe we’ll try to go out more when it is dark out, so at least there’ll be a little warmth of the season in my heart, until I can see some lights.

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