Alyx

it was eighteen years ago today that my sweet niece, Alexandra, lost her fight to a mid-brain tumor.

Alex was one of a kind: smart, pretty, witty and yet, God felt the need to make her an Angel. I survived my share of cancer, but God wanted the good angel.

I am grateful my older nephew Matt had the chance to have a few memories with her, as Greg was too young.

I pray that I will see her again one day. I know we’ll have enough to catch up.

  

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Seventeen

I was one of those fortunate girls.

I loved my Dad and he loved me. Don’t get me wrong- he loved all of us, but Dad and I were buddies. My brothers weren’t really into actively following sports, so he was happy when he found a willing disciple in me. We spent a lot of good times together. At the bottom of this blog post, I have a picture of Dad in the car when we were at Penn State for a game.

It’s seventeen years ago today that I lost my Dad. I remember,in many of our talks, how he would tell me about life after he would be gone. I believed him and always kept it in my head. You only have one Dad and no amount of time can replace the hole left behind in your heart when he leaves.He didn’t tell me that, but it’s what I learned.

Miss you terribly,Dad, and will love you forever. Kiss Mom for me. 

 

Social Butterflies II

One thing that we do down here at Undisclosed is socialize.

You see, there are a ton of folks like us who have no children, or their children have grown, are or have been caregivers, are retired or staring down out at it and wondering about pensions and medical expenses.

Jim had met a friend and since then,we have come to meet his parents. Max is Jim’s friend, and his parents are a sweet old Italian couple. We ended up having a visit for a couple of hours with them today. It was so nice and they were so sweet: it is so easy to feel comfortable with people like that. It made me miss my folks even more, especially with my Dad being gone sixteen years tomorrow.

I’ll never have my folks back, and I miss them every day. The visit with our friend Max’s parents, well, it made a lot of the sting out it.

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Social butterflies

One thing that we do down here at Undisclosed is socialize.

You see, there are folks like us who have no children, or their children have grown, are or have been caregivers, are retired or staring down out at it and wondering about pensions and medical expenses.

Jim had met a friend and since then,we have come to meet his parents. Max is Jim’s friend, and his parents are a sweet old Italian couple. We ended up having a visit for a couple of hours with them today. It was so nice and they were so sweet: it is so easy to feel comfortable with people like that. It made me miss my folks even more, especially with my Dad being gone sixteen years tomorrow.

I’ll never have my folks back, and I miss them every day. The visit with our friend Max’s parents, well, it made a lot of the sting out it.

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August is the Cruelest Month

…for some folks.

Children who aren’t necessarily fond of school sound a lament all through August, while, at the same time, trying to savor the last days of summer.I would imagine teachers are partially in the same boat.

It’s a mixed month for me.

I lost my Dad on the 24th of August in 1998. It was a humid stretch of weather. We had Daddy at home,to allow him dignity of being where he was most comfortable and most loved. We were fortunate in that we had good people from the medical field monitoring him, and he had us, his family taking care of him.

When Dad passed, I managed to get through it thinking one thing. As a child, Daddy always took the last week of August as his vacation week.I found it very fitting that he went on his last and “greatest” vacation at that time.

Then, I turned around 5 years later, and picked August 31st as my wedding date.I chose that date, because I was thinking Dad and that wonderful vacation time, and thought what a wonderful way to remember that time, by choosing my wedding date to come full circle for the month of August.

So for me, despite some lows during August, it’s been not that cruel for me. It starts my favorite time of year.

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Malaise

A beautiful night we have tonight, and I took the girls out.

I am back sitting in my parent’s home.I am typing in the room where both of them left this world in. Granted, my mom had passed away in January, but this time of year always takes me to my Dads’ passing in August of the year. So many memories swirl in my head, and they are mine alone, since I was here when Dad passed. Jim and I weren’t married then.

I’d like to think Dad would be happy about the move to Undisclosed, especially since the former Navy man loved the water.You think back about so many things and how you wish they physically were there with you. Yes, I know, they are both here in spirit, but, how wonderful it would have been to see their reaction to things.

Then I stop and think of my Mom and thank God that I still have the memories, because, Mom didn’t.I try to savor every day and everything, and hopefully, I have the memory of happy times for a long, long time in the future.

Until then,it’ll be a daily struggle to cut through the fog of malaise. Clear skies can’t come soon enough.

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MJ

It seems to be making headlines that it is the fifth anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death.

Five years dead and Michael Jackson just don’t go together.I mean from all the Jackson Five records and the Jackson records, and of course, the entire Michael Jackson collection, I can’t associate death with any of the songs.It is so funny that of all things, he died from the drugs the doctor allegedly gave him with to help him sleep. I say allegedly because I don’t want to get sued. Anyhow, all the energy of the songs, the action of him dancing, just the motion that oozed off of him, and the idea of death just doesn’t match up.

I think of him as he was close to my age, reading about him in 16 or Tiger Beat back in the day. I remember him sitting with Brooke Shields at award shows.I remember the Martin Bashir interview and his day in court for the child molestation cases.I remember Neverland ranch.

Dead? Michael Jackson? Five years later, it is still hard to believe.

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