Survivor’s Guilt Redux

Yes, I know I shouldn’t have it.I got through 3 major cancers and I am still here.

My niece, Alyx, isn’t.

She would have been 37 today.She left our family 18 years ago on September 2, when she was 18 years old.

I managed to get through college, travel,have boyfriends,get engaged and married, hold jobs,have cats, dogs,watch nephews and Godchildren grow up, but Alyx is like Princess Diana to me. She will always be 17, as she was before the cancer, and always beautiful.I got some solace from the fact that she passed away the week Princess Diana, classical conductor Sir Georg Solti and Mother Theresa died.

They sure were short Angels in heaven that week.


And the winner is…

Degenerative disc disease, which I am sure was a shocker to my physician who was trying to hang it on loose junk in my knee.

I KNOW the pain my back gets in. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.But to have a physician be so blasé’ about it, well, all I can do is shake my head. I am going to hook up with my old orthopedic team, and that was not necessarily by choice.The local orthopedic didn’t want anything to do with me initially because I had two knee replacements done BY ANOTHER PHYSICIAN.

So color me in for tests and schedules and say a little prayer that things come out ok.


Quiet Easter

The girls and I are home taking it easy,


We had a quiet walk this morning and it is really funny: we seem to be so in tune with each other and we know when we each don’t feel well.I guess I handle the leashes different, they hear me doing my prayers as we walk and it’s like we know it’s our quiet time together, Before we go out, I have to give everyone their medicine, including myself, and off we go. I am waiting not for the top of the hour, so I can give the next medicine.

Caregiver for the family: yup, that’s me!

I really don’t care because in my heart I know I am doing the absolute best I can for them, and I know they feel that.

When we were walking the beach today at lunchtime, someone took this picture of us.I love my gals!


Wesolego Alleluja!

That’s Happy Easter to my friends not of my Polish background.

I miss my heritage and if I was more inspired, I would probably try to do some sort of Easter but down here.It is too sad, and what I manage to do is buy some kielbasa, rye bread, horseradish, eggs, ham and some peeps.

Pretty sad the 56-year-old me has settled for that for an Easter.I haven’t been feeling good, and think I will just cherish my time with my girls tomorrow and eat as ethnically as I can,and pray to my family in heaven.

The times, they are a-changing….

And yeah, Mom, the white hyacinth is for you, as usual.

Ticked off

I have had some really lousy lower back pain, and managed to get in today to see my local general practitioner. 

He said to me I need to get an x-Ray done and we’ll take it from there.I questioned if I had a necrotic hip due to my radiation treatment.

Four hours later,I get a call asking for me to call the doctor back, where the nurse informed me he wants me to call my orthopedic surgeon and tell him I have problems with loose hardware. 

Talk about taking a co-pay and not wanting to get your hands dirty.

It’s that time of year….

I am finding myself once again at board worker training for working the polls. You are only supposed to be subjected to this every two years.Well, because I came in last year, I had to come back in “on” the two year cycle.

I can’t imagine what has changed since the November election, although it has been my experience that the presidential elections bring out a bunch of folks. It is still weird for me.I am used to a May primary, not a June primary.I guess the longer I am here I’ll be used to it.

Hopefully the best person will win!