Mentally Exhausted yet again

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I can get my feelings hurt,as all friends can do, when someone says, ” I thought you’d understand” “You of all people should understand.”

I really can only scratch my head and wonder when I have so many things thrown at me and I am at no where close to where things are occurring.

I try hard to be a good friend. Really. I do.

When there is some distance involved, well, it gets a little rough. I am not on the phone with everyone on a daily distance, so I have no idea as to what is going on. When you are a friend, it is a given that you are supportive. It is hard for me to be 100% in your corner when I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. I am the first person to admit that.It goes without saying, though, that I am in your corner, ok friend?

Short term stress

It would seem that we are going through a stressful time right now.

That is, if you measure both our short-term memories.What have we lost so far? A lot of things including keys, but glasses are a big player in this equation.We are still running off of the ” going through a stressful time” bit which contributes to short-term memory taking a walk and getting lost. If only that is ALL that it will do, because reading about dementia is really scary stuff.

So pardon me, I have to go off now and pray to St.Anthony for glasses to show up.

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Kicking Back….

with Jim’s Mom and my sister-in-law Kathy, who came down to spend some time with us. We just got back from Mass, and the three of them are looking at an album of Jim’s baby pictures. It’s incredible to hear a 95-year-old perspective looking back at her little son, circa 60 years ago.

I constantly remind Jim about how lucky they are to still have Mom around, as I miss mine every day.She is still kicking, in a manner of speaking,and comes up with some sharp sayings that betray her 95 years.

It’s always good to have a chance to reflect back on where you were, where you came from, because it helped make you what you are today.

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Traveling the beauty aisle..

…in search for different color polishes.

I was struck by the fact that I am old enough to remember going to a F.W.Woolworth and buying a bottle of Cutex nail polish for .69 a bottle. Obviously not a winner for them, but they still keep pumping out nail polish remover.The early colors were clear,light pink, coral, white frost, and red.End of story.Five colors.Today I bought two bottles of Revlon for what I could have opened a store with stock of Cutex nail color back then. I went back to the oh, so popular, purple and a light pink. I figured I’d give the blue nail color a rest for a wee bit.

While in the store, I saw the Kardashian line,Essie,Opi, and so on, and so on and enough colors to make a box of 64 Crayola crayons blush with what they were missing. Who thinks up these colors? More importantly, when I wanted an Essie shade that I used on my wedding day, I had to resort to eBay, yes, eBay, to find it.I guess light colors are for us old timers and you aren’t with it unless you are buying “Dealers’ Choice”, which was the blue shade I was wearing, or my new purple color called, “Up the Ante”.

Those marketing people know how to keep themselves in a job…lol.

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Nail/gel update

I had not gone for a manicure for a while.

Instead, I found the gel polishes that you can use at home.

I have been using them for a few weeks now, but notice when the polish is off my nails that if you use an odd color( not norm like light pink) it tends to stain my nails, and this is after attacking the polish to make sure the nails are totally clean. The second thing I noticed is that my nails do grow using the gel polish, but it’s not quite the same as using a regular polish.

I am still trying to figure out what’s what, so my picture below is ghosts of recent gel manicure past.

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Fruit and cheese

Warmer weather has brought one thing out for me.

Lighter eating.

For the past two weeks my breakfast has been fruit and cheese and a few crackers with a little coffee or juice.Not the healthiest of breakfasts, I’ll admit, but at least the amount of fruit I’ve have been eating has increased ten fold due to this.I make sure the cheese is in there for protein to tide me over and there for I bit I had orange juice to keep my potassium up.

It sure feels good eating light, and I have to admit I do feel better doing it!

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MJ

It seems to be making headlines that it is the fifth anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death.

Five years dead and Michael Jackson just don’t go together.I mean from all the Jackson Five records and the Jackson records, and of course, the entire Michael Jackson collection, I can’t associate death with any of the songs.It is so funny that of all things, he died from the drugs the doctor allegedly gave him with to help him sleep. I say allegedly because I don’t want to get sued. Anyhow, all the energy of the songs, the action of him dancing, just the motion that oozed off of him, and the idea of death just doesn’t match up.

I think of him as he was close to my age, reading about him in 16 or Tiger Beat back in the day. I remember him sitting with Brooke Shields at award shows.I remember the Martin Bashir interview and his day in court for the child molestation cases.I remember Neverland ranch.

Dead? Michael Jackson? Five years later, it is still hard to believe.

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Sleep the day away….

Jeez…

I came in from work yesterday and our drives up from Sundays officially caught up to us. Jim had napped during the day and we both crashed around 5PM and slept through 11PM. The dogs LET us sleep. It was incredible, but as I always stated, I was from the ” I need a full six to eight hours a day or else I am worth crap..”school.

We used to, on occasion, try to sleep through and come up early Monday morning. No good.Obviously coming up later on Sunday night is a little tiring too!

Stay tuned and we’ll see if we get a happy medium before retirement time!

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Bouncing Along

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For those of you following the perils of Pauline, er, my blog, you know all about falling on my hip.

If you loved the story once, you’ll love it twice. Yes, I did it again.

Jim went out to unwind a little bit down at Undisclosed, and I was trying to get things together so I didn’t have to pack up from undisclosed right before we had to leave to come back up to the city. I have double doors on my laundry.The right door wasn’t closed all the way and as I turned away to walk with the clothes, my left foot caught the door, and bam! Doesn’t my right foot catch the door and I go down on my right hip yet again? I looked at the girls who ran over to look over their Mom on the floor and said to them, yup, Momma is on the floor yet again.

I was tired of this the FIRST time I fell. You can imagine that, as my hip throbs and I make sure my trusty bottle of Aleve is at my side, that the second really sucks.

Getting older is definitely NOT for sissies.

180 more days…

…and I,hopefully, will see 55.

Where did the time go?

When will it get here?

I get torn,especially when this past month, I had Matt Miziorko get married and Greg Miziorko graduate college and get accepted to graduate school.

Then, in the next breath, I think about getting in the office tomorrow and the job of public transportation and its’ navigation, irate taxpayers, and summer weather.The three in tandem are not my favorite trio.

One of my best buddies, Kate, threw me a birthday,rather,a half birthday party around thirty-three years ago.Egad, as I remember it like it was yesterday.She made me feel good, because having a birthday on the shortest day of the year always sucked. You were cheated in sunlight.Not that her birthday was too much better than mine because hers is in February. Boy, they were good times.

Here’s to many more!

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Down the shore everything’s alright

Today is the first day of summer, and it seems that anyone who could, made it down the shore to celebrate the longest weekend of the year.

It is an overcast day here at Undisclosed, although the sun has been playing hide and seek in the clouds. Unfortunately, at least to me,it is also humid, which is my least favorite of weather conditions.My only consolation is that there are maybe three more months of humidity and then fall shows up. My father, and my mom, too, on occasion, would remark about wishing your life away, but humid days, as I get older, well, I can do without.

Pancake breakfast is done, fresh shower under my belt, cold iced tea in my cup… life is good.

Happy First Day of Summer.

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Busy Weekend

We have company this weekend.

Jim’s sister and brother-in-law are coming down to stay with us.She is due to have surgery soon, so we figured we’d clear the decks to give her the chance to come down and relax before going through the wringer.

Tomorrow we have the pancake breakfast that we volunteer for, so that makes for a long morning and we will be happy to kick back with them once we are done.

It is my parent’s 72nd anniversary, albeit in heaven, today.

Busy weekend!

Enjoy yours!

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Just patiently waiting

In-epta struck again this morning.

I went a few blocks on the bus when a supervisor called the bus driver over. It would appear that he had called the supervisor to tell him he had trouble with a ride mirror on the front of the bus. It was determined that the bus would only go another 10 blocks and stop before going on the expressway.

The driver was soft-spoken,and to everyone getting on the bus he announced how far the bus was going.Great. Except I figured I’d try to get the train. I needed to get to block 9 in 12 minutes and the way this driver was spreading the news, it was hard for me to be patient.

It paid off. I made the train with four minutes to spare….whew!

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I miss the snow.

Yup.

Don’t hate me because I do, but I do. I think back to when it was 9 below and I had to walk the girls and thought, spring will be coming. Spring. Spring got me smiling.The thought of summer didn’t.

Mosquitoes, heat,sweat, public transportation…not rocking my world.It’s my fault that I probably look like crap in a bathing suit, but hey,air-conditioning works.Sure, there’s watermelon, water-ice, pasta salad,water, iced tea,and healthier, lighter eating, but **shaking my head** I am and always will be a sweater girl. I like to be cool to the point of needing a little warmth. I know if I was younger,well, summer rocked. If I knew then what I know now, well, I’d never have to give my dermatologist business for skin cancer checks.

So I will veg out with some iced tea, and sit in front of the fan, but rest assured,I am waiting for October.

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Old enough to know better.

A co-worker in the office turns 43 today. It made me stop and get the calculator out: I graduated from high school 37 years ago today.Thirty seven…

Am I that old..or wait…I am counting down to retire…I guess I am that old.It’s good to be “that” old.I stop and think back to the heat of that June day, and as I went to an all girls’ high school, we all wore white dresses.They(the high school)gave us all presentation bouquets of red carnations, so, in all it was a very pretty picture. We graduated in the city’s Academy of Music, which has a red velvet seated interior.Seems like so long ago..

It’s a blessing to see my 50’s.

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In-epta

Whoo-hoo! Septa, the South Eastern Philadelphia Transit Authority, avoided a strike on its’ railroads over the weekend.

Really?

President Obama put something into effect that a board, I guess kind of like mediators, that would hear both sides. Worse case scenario? Trains on strike when I am safely tucked in at Undisclosed Deux.

I find it incredible that my union went forever without any wage increases, and the nation-wide temperature toward contract negotiations seemed to have an ” let’s KEEP our jobs” motto. The folks on the train are so special.

Yup.They are so special that they’ll think nothing of raising train fares in a heartbeat for this contract.

…if only my salary went up to cover it.

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Trying…

to relax…HAH!

Although Jim attempts to put it out of his mind, I know I have to start putting things together for the trek back to the city, something which truly sucks.

I will get the girls out a few more times, try to soak the few flowers I have, and wait. If I manage to get a nap out of it, the better.The sad part is that even though I see the end in sight, it always feels five million miles away on a Sunday afternoon.

Regardless, I am going to try to get the most out of the rest of the day.

Have an awesome week!

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Missing my Pop

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Tomorrow will be 16 years without my Pop on father’s day.

Sixteen birthdays, Zush, Kasia, marriage, passing of my mom, graduation of grandsons and Matthias’ wedding…all without Dad. When I got married there are pictures of me crying, and although my brother Bob was loving enough to stand in,there were no bones about it. I missed Pop.

I live to think he is here looking over my shoulder as I type this, and I find special peace in the fact that he would have loved Undisclosed, as he was a navy man and loved the water.

I miss you Daddy, every day, and will love you forever.

Humidity biting in the butt.

It sure as hell was muggy today.

My Mother’s cousin passed away and I went to the funeral looking like a wet dog, because it was deemed that “it was cool out” so fans were on and windows open.**sigh**

Now, down at Undisclosed. I had to cajole to bring the air on-he claims he’s freezing and it’s 75 degrees in here.

It’s going to be a long summer….**sigh**

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Foggy Days, Foggy Heart

We are working in the doldrums of late spring,early summer.To accompany that, we have had a stretch of rainy, foggy, weather.

As Father’s day approaches, making me miss my Dad even more than I humanly thought possible, there are more deaths in our expanded family. One of the few cousins left on my Mom’s side has passed away, and tomorrow is the funeral. When you stop and think about the passing of the old guard, you realize that we are now on the cusp of becoming the old guard ourselves.

The key is to keep your faith, your body and your mind in balance.I really believe it to be the way to lift the fog off the heart.

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Biding the time

Every day that I get up, get washed and dressed, make the trek down to the bus, I think,” X amount of days left.”

What they should really do is like they do in prison-that is, give you time off for the sentence served. In my case, it would be the amount of time I spend in a bus on the Schuylkill expressway.It has gotten a bit better lately, as school is close to being let out for the summer.The bus in the morning currently is a little more civilized, and much quieter.

The parking on the expressway gets to me. I have never realized that the driving skills of my fellow city residents have gone so far down the skids.It’s the equal of the first snow of the winter and people getting panicked by the first flurry.It just makes me nuts.

It makes the sanity clause something I really am hoping to embrace once retired.

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counting with the “Wild Woman”

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So this is day four into my home attempt at using a gel polish on my nails from home.The polish was Revlon’s Dealer’s choice, and I only picked the color after seeing all the oceanic summer colors that are out there.I wanted to see how long I’d be using just the polish, with no extra bells and whistles.

I find it highly ironic that I had commented to Jim that, upon seeing someone with blue toe nail polish in a CVS,saying “what’s wrong with her nails?”, and then realizing there was polish that color. I have to hand it to my mother-in-law, who, for the 15 years I’ve known her, was never one to shy away from an unusual color.

We have a funeral at the end of the week and it’ll be a test if the color stays good, then maybe, just maybe this might be the road to go.

This Monday

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I have a rough job at times,as anyone who deals in customer service knows,and/or anyone dealing with billing people for government services can tell you, folks get awfully frustrated.

I sit here at a desk and it’s kind of obvious that I have been around the block once or twice, but especially when the older citizens come in, it gets really frustrating. I understand what they are trying to tell me, but I am not giving him the answer he wants; that is, an answer in his own words.More times than not,I know what folks are telling me and I try to use what contact information or general information I know. Some folks you just can’t please, though.Being senior citizens, I feel sorry for them.

It’s bouts like this that make me just shake my head. When I hear on the television or radio that people are frustrated with government, I know what they are referring to.

**sigh**

All I can just do is try my best. I am older and more spent on tilting other people’s windmills.I just can’t do it like I used to.

How old am I?

I am sitting with Jim and we are watching a rerun of the 2014 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I am suppressing the urge to pull my grey hair out. Peter Gabriel is being introduced by, I think, Chris Martin from Coldplay**not that I would know who the hell Coldplay is**.

Genesis.
Peter Gabriel
Phil Collins
….seen by me in my 20’s. I’m 54 now. Thirty years later.I never followed current music once I passed, maybe 35, watching this show is bringing me down memory lane to a simpler time in my life. I laugh because I remember going to see Genesis and my mother asking me who it was.I guess I have come full circle in music appreciation. It is truly a blessing to be able to look back be able to smile at good memories.

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June Twilight

It has been a good day.

Zush got her summer haircut, which is making her comfortable. We got some really good walks in.Our neighbors invited us to a “man cave/pool” warming.Now we are kicked back and everyone is relaxing.

We had a beautiful late day sun down on the bay, making us appreciate the distance from the city even more, and now, with the windows open, a beautiful breeze is sailing through the house.

Here’s hoping your day was that good!

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Wild woman

I have always been a traditionalist when it came to nail polish. My range went from clear to an occasional dabble in pink.

Then I turned 50.Not that I could actually grow nails long.I decided that violet was my new color,like the red hat or purple hat ladies.Now that it’s summer, I went to shades of blue and green, which happen to be my favorite colors.It was funny though: I thought I felt old nuns and my Mom yelling on why I am wearing such tramp colors. I remember in grammar school, the nuns would say that wearing red nail polish meant the devil got you.

As if.

So I will give the wild life a little chance…we’ll see how it goes.

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Working for the weekend

Sometime before I turn 65, I hope to relax on a Friday.

People have often told me how jealous they are of Undisclosed and our ability to go there. What folks don’t realize is we try to dean up here Thursday night and Friday.After that comes the packing.Dirty clothes for washing over the weekend, food to restock the pantry,clean clothes,things that we’d need down the house and the like.

In short, It’s a job.

Comes Sunday I have to reverse the procedure and multiply it by the fact the, quite frankly, you just don’t want to come back to the city.Last summer we thought we’d never have to ride in shore traffic again, and yet here we are,repeating the process.

Come on, retirement!

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Just one of those mornings.

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You ever had a morning that started out good?

Then, as an act two, the heavens opened up while trying to get into work as I was on the expressway.

I can not, and I mean, CAN NOT, wait until my last punch in because my chief occupation these days just seems to be shaking my head.Maybe it’s my definition of common sense as opposed to other folks, but again? ***smh*** There are only so many times that you can calm yourself down going,” This time next year….”

Fortunately I get to get out a little earlier today due to a medical appointment: here’s hoping that distance works wonders!

Beautiful morning…

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…if you don’t mind some humidity and early summer heat. Fortunately it is due to rain tonight into tomorrow to, hopefully,cool things down a little.

The shot gave me a decent nights’ sleep,and thanks to Comcast living up to its’ crappy reputation, our modem was down this morning so I took the girls out solo while Jim wrangled with the internet. Our walk was pleasant,though, and we enjoyed the sights and smells of a late spring morning. The picture above is a rose we walked past and I stopped to admire.

Stay cool!

Wearing purple….channeling future black and blue marks

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For some reason I put a purple shirt on today.

Oh yeah…then I remembered, I am going for my orthopaedic visit this morning and can envision the needle that will be in my future: I admit it’s not something I am looking forward to. I had gone for the x-ray last night to find out the good news that my hip is not broken.**big shocker there-NOT** However, the radiologist read the film and pronounced bony deterioration.

Translated? I missed the bullet with this fall, but have got to quit falling, NOW.

This just reaffirms the statement I made in a prior post.

“Old age is not for sissies.”

**sigh**

X-Men, er, ray…

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The inevitable day has happened: I have to go for the hip X-Ray.

**Sigh**

I wanted to try to take it on Friday but wasn’t well enough. I was going go try this morning.I figured I didn’t need to take the chance on being late.This afternoon, I am going to kiss my afternoon goodbye after work and go get it done. My local hospital is called ” Memorial Hospital”. I joke that they call it memorial for a reason. It goes without saying that the quality of care lacks big time.

Tomorrow is the appointment and hopefully some relief.

**fingers crossed**