Bittersweet moments…

It’s quiet.

I have just spent 25 minutes singing Polish Christmas carols& hymns to the Blessed Mother, but now Mom has settled down.

As her condition has been deteriorating ,I have had her in hospice care at home. I listen to the phlegm rattle in her throat as I sing.This is new to me.. No, not Mom making a vocal comment to my singing, but watching and waiting. I sit and wonder what will be.Will she be granted a gift to see her 89th birthday this Sunday?Will she see Christmas?New Years? I sat with her wondering if the woman who brought me into the world will be here for my birthday-Not that she would know the day, but will she be here? My chest is tight as I think of that. I’d like to think almost four years of caregiving has toughened me up,but obviously not.The book has been almost 52 years in the making,and all I can do is wait.

This is not quite as hard as having to tell my folks I had cancer, but it is a close second.

All I can do is pray.Any you can say for us would be deeply appreciated.

Thanks, my friends.

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Sixty two year old married female, care-giving, loving former government employee who is writing to try to keep her sanity.

6 thoughts on “Bittersweet moments…”

  1. My Dear Marion,
    No amount of time caregiving makes it any easier to accept. You have been so good, so you will never have any regrets when God takes over the caregiving. You know you and your Mom are always in my prayers. She will be with you for your birthday. Either here or in heaven, she will always be with you. Love you

    1. Thanks , Jeanne** typing in the dark while she snores away **..There is enough “old school”( ironically instilled in me by Mom,lol) that,I don’t know.. I just am so apprehensive as she has gone down a lot since last year.Even her mental state is down from an 8(sever) to a 4, making me even more aware she isn’t even cognizant of being home…**hugs**

  2. You, my dear friend, are always in my prayers. It is never easy to say goodbye to people that you love. You have done everything in your power to take care of your Mom, and don’t think she doesn’t know that. Your mother must be one hell of a woman to have raised such an incredible daughter. Hang in there luv. God Is Good.

  3. Marian, I know how hard it is to just wait and know the end will be coming, your Mom will be in my prayers every night.

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